This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Claudia Zimmerman, 48, who went through medically induced early menopause at 29 while working full-time as a nurse manager. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I’ve been a registered nurse for almost 25 years, and I’ve spent the bulk of my career working in labor and delivery and at a fertility clinic. I always felt passionate about women’s reproductive health due to my own experiences with endometriosis since I was a teen.
I had stage three endometriosis, a disease that happens when tissue grows outside the uterus. The pain was excruciating, and I went to multiple physicians who dismissed my symptoms as something women just go through.
This was frustrating and isolating, and it made me doubt the symptoms my body was showing me.
I had to do something to help with the pain
At 29, I was done having children, and my symptoms were escalating, so I decided to have a hysterectomy to relieve my pain once and for all. The hysterectomy removed my ovaries, uterus, and cervix, which put me into medically induced early menopause.
I knew of the general symptoms of menopause, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the experience I was about to undergo.
The next few years were a struggle between my body and menopause. One of the most challenging aspects was working full-time while going through it.
I was working full-time as a nurse manager at a fertility clinic
After my hysterectomy, I went back to work as an IVF nurse. I didn’t become menopausal right away. I had an ovarian remnant that was producing enough estrogen to hold off menopause.
Two years after my hysterectomy, they removed this third-ish ovary, which then led to the first wave of my menopausal symptoms. I experienced increased anxiety, a bit of weight gain, and increased depression in addition to hot flashes, which I mitigated with estrogen tablets and patches.
I powered through hot flashes, even though they took a toll on me
My hot flashes were a slow build that would start with a sudden panic. I’d feel pressure in my abdomen and chest that would take my breath away.
I’d keep getting warmer and warmer to the point where my cheeks would get red, and sweat would leak out all over my body.
It didn’t matter if it was snowing outside or freezing inside; for 30 seconds to up to three minutes, I’d be drenched in sweat, and my heart would race.
I was open with my coworkers about what I was going through, and that was helpful
I worked alongside many women. I would often turn to them for advice on my symptoms, and they helped me feel empowered and supported.
At work, I tried a menagerie of things to help combat my symptoms, from drinking iced water, eating straight ice, and bringing in my own fan for my desk, to taking a walk on a break while talking to my mom, who always helped me work through anxiety and fear.
I was so self-conscious about the weight gain. I started wearing larger scrubs so that I could conceal some of the changes, but there were also days when wearing scrubs wasn’t an option, like when meeting new patients or traveling from office to office.
Given that my job was very patient-centric, back-to-back interactions dominated most of my day. On days when I wasn’t feeling great, I knew I could share with my colleagues that I “needed a minute,” and they would step in immediately to offer their support.
A lot of my coworkers and I were the same age, but our bodies were different
My coworkers and I were all in our mid-30s, yet our bodies were so different. Although they never made me feel that difference, it was hard for me to ignore.
I often had to remind myself of why I made the decision to get a hysterectomy. It was saving me from decades of severe pain, even though it was forcing me to come to terms with a new version of myself I wasn’t ready for.
I was most shocked at how long my menopause journey lasted
I experienced menopause symptoms for roughly 17 years. The weight gain and hot flashes were one thing, but the anxiety continued to escalate. I was not prepared for how it seemed to overtake my life seemingly overnight.
All these changes, coupled with the pressure of my role as a mother and wife, left me feeling resentful and short-tempered. It was hard to sleep more than a few hours at night.
I tried to mask my symptoms as much as possible
I was so uncomfortable all the time because of these changes. I didn’t want others to see me as weak or different, or to judge me.
Additionally, I was caring for people every day who were going through journeys far worse than my own. I had three children, and I was taking care of people who would do anything just for the ability to have one. I wanted to be strong for them.
After 10 years in this fertility practice, I transitioned into benefits management with Progyny, a fertility, family building, and women’s health benefits company, as a clinical educator and patient care advocate. When I started working at this new job, just after I turned 40, everything began shifting dramatically.
My menopause symptoms reached their peak
In 2018, my body played every trick known to man on me. I was averaging about three to four hours of broken sleep a night. My diet didn’t change, but I felt like I had gained 10-15 pounds overnight.
My anxiety spiked even further. I felt the brunt of it in the evening and the night.
The weight of fear, worry, guilt, and shame would overcome me, and my thoughts would race during the hours I was supposed to be relaxing and resting. To top this off, my libido vanished, and the short temper I mentioned previously turned into straight anger.
I also experienced a crippling loss. My sweet mother, who had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer only a year before, succumbed to her disease. This devastation wrecked any stability I had left of my mental state.
My job had benefits that were very helpful
I was now working from home, so I no longer had to commute up to three hours round-trip to work or be in the clinic.
This also meant I didn’t have to mask my symptoms from colleagues and patients, but it began affecting my family and loved ones. My “mask” that I could keep while I was a nurse fully came off.
To distract myself and shield my husband and children from the person I had become, I threw myself into work. It was the only place I felt any sense of control. My family knew how much I was suffering, and my husband was very helpful.
My new role focused on helping companies offer fertility, family building, and women’s health benefits to their employees. Through my work there, I stumbled on a breakthrough.
My insurance offered me specific coverage
At my new job, I was helping develop a menopause-specific benefit. I was both shocked and elated to learn that menopause-certified clinicians were available through a new digital health platform.
I thought about how incredible it would be for women to access this type of coverage, regardless of how their menopause stories unfolded. As soon as the product went live, I made my first appointment with a menopause specialist.
I cannot describe how life-changing that appointment was for me
The nurse practitioner listened intently as I described my symptoms, as well as the misery and isolation I had felt several years prior. Every aspect of my health was carefully considered, and I received proper, focused care.
After three new medications, I was able to sleep eight hours again. I lost 25 pounds, all while maintaining balanced hormones and a balanced diet. I still have anxiety from time to time, but it no longer weighs me down. I’ll spare you the details, but my libido once again exists.
The most important thing an employer can do for its female population is to acknowledge the unique healthcare challenges that women face and be proactive by offering access to this specific type of care. That, and an empathetic ear, will go a long way for the women of their organizations.
Menopause can feel like you’re being introduced to somebody that you do not know, which can upend your life, in and out of work. I wish I had known at 29 to advocate for myself, and that eventually things would get better.
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