We teach communication skills at Stanford University. We’re also parents, coaches, and consultants in Silicon Valley. We’ve been worried about adolescents’ diminishing writing and speaking skills for years. Lately, we have noticed that these skills are eroding at an accelerating rate, month-over-month.
Communication skills are essential for creating healthy relationships, maintaining mental health, fostering civic engagement, and building a successful career. And, while teenagers today are the most connected generation in history, they are also the least prepared to communicate with depth, confidence, and empathy.
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The environments where students develop communication skills are collapsing. Social media squeezes out face-to-face interactions. Memes replace conversations. And much of our test-based education system emphasizes rote memory and standard exams over fundamental skills such as storytelling—a core cognitive and social function that shapes our identities, bonds our communities, and differentiates our species.
The bottom line is that young people are at risk of losing the communication skills that connect us. The bright side is that simple measures may help reverse the slide.
How we got here: lockdowns, likes, LLMs
During the pandemic, American teenagers’ face-to-face interaction plunged. In its place came extensive texting, social media, and, in late 2022, AI companions. As these tools became the norm, real-life communication plunged.
U.S. teens spend on average 5 hours per day on social media; nearly half are online constantly. Likes, streaks, and emojis may feel like connection—but face-to-face contact is what builds meaningful intimacy and reinforces communication skills.
One survey found that nearly nine out of 10 students ages 14-22 in the USA use AI for schoolwork. When a student types a complex question into a chatbot, they get a polished (though not necessarily authentic, accurate or nuanced) answer in seconds. As a result, many students have come to expect immediate resolutions to life’s questions and challenges—without first-person research or reflection.
Research suggests that using chatbots reduces mental effort, cuts brain engagement, and leads to reduced activity in brain areas responsible for memory and creativity. This typically translates into unoriginal work, diminished self-awareness, difficulty recalling information, and an increased dependency on bots.
What happens after students lose mental stamina? We worry that adolescents won’t have the enthusiasm to bond with others. They’ll face greater mental health challenges, disengage from communities, and struggle professionally.
Unless we rekindle our communication skills, the 2020s “loneliness epidemic” could stretch into a “solitary century.”
Solutions from the front lines
We live and work in the heart of tech-crazed San Francisco Bay Area, where use of AI is even greater than in America at large. Students here use AI to write college applications, summarize novels, get nutrition advice, diagnose depression and more. Some elementary school students start getting AI lessons in fifth grade.
Perhaps because our region is on the bleeding edge, we’re already hearing from young people worried about their waning communication skills. For the first time, students have been asking for help in reclaiming their eroding writing and speaking skills.
Here’s what we recommend:
- Take pride in your own thoughts: Don’t use AI to replace your original ideas. Let bots polish your second or third draft. Use bots as collaborators.
- Join a community: Connect with others and refine your opinions in shared, screenless activities. Join drama, debate, and improv clubs.
- Get a job: Manage a coffee shop’s breakfast rush. De-escalate customer conflicts at a retailer. Work with people of different ages, backgrounds, perspectives, and mother tongues. Customer service jobs enhance your resume, empathy and patience (unlike anonymous interactions with like-minded followers online).
For teachers: Instead of limiting AI use (it’s futile), prioritize the intellectual process over conventional academic output. Conduct frequent, in-class writing and oral exercises that demand coherent thinking and pithy communication. Grade students on the quality of their analysis, synthesis, and justification—rather than take-home essays or quick calculations.
We also recommend that teachers “cold call” students – the practice of picking students at random to answer a question without the student raising their hand. Students regularly tell us that the concern of coming off poorly in front of classmates motivates them to absorb lessons and form cogent opinions far more than simply finishing an assigned reading or essay.
And parents should model “intentional presence” if they want to help their children to have strong communication skills as adults. Stop multitasking. Silence phones during meals. Boost your own nonverbal behavior (making eye contact, using gesture and body language). Verbalize how you come up with ideas, resolve conflicts, negotiate solutions, and assert yourself, showing kids your thought process in real time. Share and discuss articles, podcasts, and books to ritualize dialogue over passive consumption.
Social media and AI aren’t going away. In fact, technology can supercharge young people’s learning and careers—if they don’t lose their writing, speaking, and thinking skills in the process.
Communication defines how we think, connect, learn, work, and live together. Without it, we risk raising a generation unequipped for the collaboration, leadership, and critical thinking required in civic life.
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