‘I Didn’t [Used to] Feel That Way’: With Newfound Freedom, Kesha Is Finally Ready to Love Her Old Music

Kesha’s comeback has been one of the most fun reinventions to watch unfold, from her recent music to her transformed image. After finally gaining freedom from a stifling record contract and abusive creative partnership with producer Dr. Luke, Kesha has nowhere to go but up. And that includes turning the dial on her life up to 11.

Speaking with the Rolling Stone Music Now podcast recently, Kesha shared insights into her newfound freedom with characteristic candor and excitement. Notably, her comeback era also involves revisiting her early music with love instead of dread, something she said she wasn’t always comfortable doing.

“I’m really excited to talk about the beginning of all of this, and I didn’t [used to] feel that way,” Kesha admitted. “I felt really torn about how to interact with the first couple of albums I put out for a really long time. It was just a really confusing thing to think back about because it was publicly so big. It was my dreams coming true. I’m so grateful. “

She continued, “And it was also extremely difficult personally, and very toxic. Some of the nihilism, I think, came from also not being treated very kindly.”

Kesha Looks Back On her Early Records With Renewed Appreciation

Crucially, this reflection comes during a milestone year for Kesha’s first two records, Animal and Cannibal. These albums were often packaged together and are being reissued as a 15th anniversary edition featuring additional unreleased tracks. Looking back on early songs like “Tik Tok,” specifically, Kesha recalled what fueled her early image.

“When you’re kind of a punk rocker,” she began, pausing before elaborating, “I found all my punk friends, we would get fucked up and get tattoos and put crazy makeup on and wear studded jackets.” This description calls up Kesha’s initial style when she burst onto the scene in 2010. The glitter, the makeup, the party girl aesthetic. But she added that this posturing came from a deep-seated need to be treated with love.

“[W]e were all super sensitive, sweet misfit people that just wanted a place to belong and feel loved and safe, and a place to be ourselves,” she said. “I think a lot of that s***head, brat energy was actually just like, ‘If you don’t love me, f*** you. So I’m gonna make myself look crazier and be extra intense about it.’

“But,” she added, “I think that was a lot of feeling of just not belonging and not feeling very loved and not feeling very cared for. And that’s why I love my Animals,” she said, referring to her diehard fans. “‘Cause those are my f***ing people. My Animals, they get me, they see me, I get them, I see them. They’re my people.”

How ‘Tik Tok’ Initially Made Critics Doubt Kesha’s Abilities

When asked about the experience writing “Tik Tok”, her debut single, Kesha fondly recalled working with Benny Blanco. “We were both little s***heads,” she said. “I really enjoyed working with Benny, and we would have a really good time.”

She also elaborated on how “Tik Tok” evolved, getting “stupider” with each lyric. “It was really interesting how the stupider the lyrics got, and just the more playful and the less seriously I took it, and the less I would think about it,” she explained. “The more it was just, like, you don’t use your brain at all. Like zero.”

Kesha continued, “The craziest experience was I kept being like, ‘It’s just too stupid.’ But then I would listen back and be like, ‘Huh, no, it’s really fun.’ So it kind of got me into a bit of a pickle because the biggest song and the first song is what made everyone think that I didn’t use my brain.”

When “Tik Tok” came out, there was a lot of speculation about Kesha’s abilities as a songwriter and a performer. Often, critics doubted her skills. They painted her as just a party-girl pop star with raunchy lyrics, offering nothing else. She often proved the haters wrong after that, “But for that song,” Kesha admitted, “it really served the purpose of trying to make people have a really good time. It really worked.”

Photo by Carlos R. Alvarez/WireImage

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