How often do you watch TV with your family? Is there a particular show you, your siblings and your parents all enjoy — or one that is special for you and another family member in particular?
If not, is there some other activity you do with your family that brings you all together?
In “How ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ Brought My Mother and Me Closer,” Sopan Deb recounts how watching a TV show was “one of the few things” he and his mother did together when he was growing up. He writes of the show:
Created by Phil Rosenthal, “Everybody Loves Raymond” ran on CBS from 1996-2005 and won 15 Emmys. (It currently streams on Paramount+ and Peacock.) It centers on the Long Island suburban family of Raymond, a sportswriter whose parents live across the street, and Debra (Patricia Heaton), who does not like her ever-present in-laws. Ray’s older brother, Robert, is a police officer who believes Ray gets all the attention, leading to the title.
Mr. Deb explains that while his family didn’t look exactly like the Barone family, they could relate to its comedic dysfunction:
My mother and I found solace in the broad comedy of the show, which at a glance seemed like an odd fit for us. My mother is Bengali and emigrated from India in the 1960s, while I was born in Massachusetts. But few things are as universal as familial bickering, and the Barones offered an example that was recognizable, realistic and, to a point, aspirational.
There was a vast cultural and generational gap between my parents and me. They didn’t understand their son’s love of, say, a ludicrous art form like professional wrestling. I didn’t understand why they were laser-focused on academic achievement at the expense of everything else. (Not an uncommon dynamic among immigrant families.)
We lived in the New Jersey suburbs, not terribly far from Long Island, but there wasn’t much in “Raymond” that was obviously relatable to us. Of course there wasn’t much anywhere on TV that was relatable to us: South Asian-American families were virtually absent onscreen then and, with some exceptions, they still are.
But the resonance of the sitcom wasn’t in seeing ourselves; it was in seeing what we wanted ourselves to be and also latching on to the parts that did apply. The reason “Raymond” became appointment viewing for us was because beneath the surface, the characters’ needs were things we needed, too.
Robert, often relegated to second fiddle behind Raymond, craved more affection from his parents. In our household and the Indian ones my parents grew up in, parental warmth was a scarce commodity. Ray was occasionally selfish but mostly wanted everyone to get along at the end of the day. I was the same on both counts. Debra wanted her meddlesome in-laws to give them more space. My parents’ marriage was arranged by my maternal grandmother — my mother understood Debra’s need for independence more than she realized.
Mr. Deb ends on a reflection about what the show meant to his mother and him:
She said she loved that it was “a family show that everyone could watch together.” But something else stuck with her: That the Barone family lived so close to one another reminded her of her childhood.
“The environment was a lot like India,” she said. “That’s why I liked it.” (She recalled that when we used to visit her brother in Toronto, our entire family would sleep on the floor in their cramped apartment.)
I valued it because while TV was full of happy families, the Barones seemed more attainable. I wrote my college essay about how I wanted to be like Ray when I grew up. Not just because I wanted to be a sportswriter at the time, but because I craved his life: Surrounded by loving, flawed relatives who always stick together, whatever their conflicts and difficulties.
The characters on “Everybody Loves Raymond” weren’t always likable, but few of us are. I was grateful that my mother and I could watch a show that gave us a road map for how to keep flawed people together, despite lots of reasons to be apart.
Students, read the entire article and then tell us:
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Do you and your family have a TV show you watch — or used to watch — together? If so, what is it, and what do you each like about it? Do you think the show has brought you closer together, as “Raymond” did for Mr. Deb and his mother? Why or why not?
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If there’s not a TV show, is there another form of entertainment you enjoy with your family — for example, a sports team you cheer for, a musical artist you listen to or a game you play together? Describe these bonding experiences. What do they mean to you?
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Mr. Deb ends his article by saying that “Raymond” gave his mother and him “a road map for how to keep flawed people together, despite lots of reasons to be apart.” What, if any, worthwhile life lessons or insights have you picked up from the show or activity that you and your family watch or do together?
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Mr. Deb also writes, “The reason ‘Raymond’ became appointment viewing for us was because beneath the surface, the characters’ needs were things we needed, too.” Have you ever identified with a fictional character in a similar way?
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What are some activities that people your age can try with their parents, grandparents, siblings or other family members that would be enjoyable to all, though maybe for different reasons?
Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.
Find more Student Opinion questions here. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate these prompts into your classroom.
The post What TV Show or Other Entertainment Brings Your Family Together? appeared first on New York Times.
