This story is based on a conversation with retired social media specialist Deirdre Catucci, 63, of West Harrison, New York, who cares for her father, William, and volunteers in her community. It has been edited for length and clarity.
It takes a matter of minutes for me to walk from my apartment to Dad’s because we live on different floors of the same building.
He’s extremely independent at 88 — our family calls him our “super ager” — but we know that he will rely on us a lot more as time goes by.
In 2020, when my 82-year-old mother reached the end of her life due to cancer, I said to her, “Mom, I’ve got Dad.” Her face told me all I needed to know. She felt reassured that she was leaving her husband in safe and loving hands.
Dad was a very hands-on father when we were young
I’ve always been close to my dad. He had a demanding job as an executive at AT&T and a professorship at Fordham University, but he made a lot of time for me, my two brothers, and my two sisters.
We did everything as a family when we were younger. Dad insisted that you couldn’t take five kids to five different places.
We’d all watch my brother’s basketball games. If we went to a Broadway show, Dad would buy standing tickets for all seven of us. We might have been standing behind a pole, but those were our formative years, and he wanted to encourage our love of theater.
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He continued to support us as we got older, especially during my divorce 15 years ago, and doted on his 14 grandchildren. His first great-grandchild was born only last week.
I tried to visit Dad as often as I could
I couldn’t help notice the change in his personality after Mom died. They’d met as teenagers at a high school dance and were married for 62 years. He would sit in one room of their big house, and it was lonely and empty without his wife around.
My home was a 40-minute drive away, and I tried to visit as often as I could. However, I was working full-time and had to look out for my sons, Robert and Daniel, now 38 and 23.
If I spent two hours a day with Dad, it was just a drop in the bucket of attention and stimulation that he needed and deserved.
In March 2021, I moved to a new apartment building 10 miles from my old house. Daniel shared my two-bedroom, and Robert rented a studio in the same building.
He fell in love with the building where I lived
But a key member of our family was missing — Dad.
One day, I showed him around the complex, and he was impressed. “I would love you to live here,” I said. He didn’t say anything, so I said, “Well, let’s think about it.”
Then, after a few minutes, he replied, “OK, what’s not to love?”
Dad moved into his two-bedroom in July. His second bedroom serves as his office.
It didn’t take long for us to realize we’d done the right thing. Dad made friends with the fellow residents. He always has time for them and vice versa.
His mind is sharp, and he has an ongoing thirst for knowledge. He reads two separate newspapers every day and loves to learn and impart wisdom and knowledge to other people. He chats away when he’s playing pool.
He treats himself now and again
A veteran in the Army who served in South Korea, he’s incredibly fit for his age. He spends 45 minutes in the gym every day, cycling and lifting weights. He watches his diet and is careful not to overeat.
But he indulges himself with a bowl of ice cream. He says it’s essential to treat yourself occasionally.
I try not to crowd Dad, but I constantly keep an eye out for him. I can see the window of his apartment from my place, as well as his TV in his living room. He and Robert actually share a wall.
However, our time together revolves around meals. I’ll bring him lunch when I can, but cook his dinners every evening, depending on whether we go out. I’ll buy groceries, drop them off at his apartment, and then return to prepare the meal. The conversation is always intelligent and lively.
Dad needs a certain amount of help
Robert and Daniel often join us for dinner. My siblings visit regularly. This summer, a sister and brother took turns staying with Dad while Daniel and I vacationed in Italy.
As self-sufficient as he is, our dad needs a certain amount of help, and we try to make his life easier as he gets older. I fill in his monthly calendar so he can keep track of his appointments. I have also stuck a magnetic pill container on his refrigerator, allowing him easy access to his medication and vitamins.
We plan to keep Dad in his apartment as long as possible. I’ve told him that I’ll always take care of him.
I think of the kindness and leadership Dad showed to his family, as well as the strong decisions he made.
There are a lot of misconceptions about ageing in this world. Dad proves them wrong. I’m determined that he will maintain the dignity that he has held all his life.
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