In middle school, I was the textbook definition of awkward: braces, acne, a bad perm, and a body I didn’t know how to dress or love. I was uncomfortable in my skin, and I’m sure everyone noticed.
One afternoon in the hallway, a boy looked directly at me and said, loudly and confidently, that I was the “ugliest thing” he had ever seen. It wasn’t whispered. It wasn’t subtle. It was a declaration — and one that hit with the force of truth to my seventh-grade brain.
I froze. I remember my chest tightening, my face going hot, and wishing I could disappear into the lockers. I walked to class pretending not to care, but inside, I was dying. Something in me shifted. I didn’t just feel ugly; I truly believed I was the “ugly duckling.”
That belief followed me well into adulthood.
In my 20s and 30s, insecurity dictated everything
You’d think that outgrowing braces, learning to wear makeup, styling my hair, and seeing a smaller number on the scale would help. It didn’t. The middle-school version of me still lived in my head.
In my 20s and 30s, even when others told me I looked great, I couldn’t accept it. Compliments felt like kindness, not truth. I drowned myself in oversize sweatshirts, convinced that baggy clothes could hide my body and, somehow, my flaws. I avoided photos, avoided rooms where I’d stand out, and never once walked into a place thinking I belonged there.
The most bizarre moment came in my 20s when I ran into that same boy, the one who called me the ugliest thing he’d ever seen. I was at a bar, and he hit on me. Full confidence. Full flirtation. He had no idea I was the girl from middle school—the one he emotionally destroyed.
You’d think that would have felt satisfying, like a movie-moment vindication. Instead, I recall feeling confused, almost in disbelief.
That’s how deep insecurity roots itself. It teaches you not to trust even the moments that should affirm you.
It took until my 50s to stop fighting my body and start loving it
My turning point didn’t happen because I suddenly “looked better.” It happened because I finally stopped trying to be who I thought I should be and accepted who I actually am.
In my 50s, something eased — and it also strengthened. I stopped apologizing for my body, stopped wishing I looked like somebody else, and stopped treating beauty like a prize I hadn’t earned.
I started dressing for joy instead of camouflage. I moved my body because I loved it, not because I was punishing it. I ate to feel good, not to control a number on the scale.
I even put on a bikini again. I remember standing on the beach the first time, nervous at first, waiting for judgment that never came. Because no one was watching; they were too busy worrying about themselves. That alone was liberating.
Beauty didn’t suddenly appear — confidence did
Looking back, I didn’t transform from an “ugly duckling” into a swan because I changed physically. I transformed because I changed mentally.
I stopped chasing approval. I stopped measuring myself against impossible standards. I stopped giving that seventh-grade insult the power to define me.
At this age, I finally understand that beauty isn’t about symmetry or perfection — it’s presence, confidence, gratitude, joy. It’s stepping into a room knowing you are enough because you decided you are.
I wish I could go back and hug that awkward young girl and tell her that not fitting the mold doesn’t mean you never will; it means you’re not done becoming. And, the becoming might take a really long time. But it will come.
I used to shrink myself because I feared taking up space. In my 50s, I take up space proudly — and that, to me, is beauty.
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