Dear Miss Manners: My signature perfume is a well-known — and expensive — classic scent. For my last birthday I received not one, but two generous gifts of this perfume: one from a dear lifetime friend and another from a beloved cousin. Both live a long distance from me; we rarely meet face to face.
The problem is, both were knockoffs. I know this scent well, and the fake bottles were easy to detect. Both generous gift givers bought the perfume online. Both are financially comfortable and would never knowingly purchase knockoff anything.
The perfume is nice, but not the real deal. I use it to refresh closets and clothing drawers.
Do I tell them it’s fake? Their generosity is endearing. I certainly don’t want to embarrass them, but I also don’t want them to be duped. I’m losing sleep over this one!
Having already given you this present once, it is unlikely that either person will repeat the mistake.
Therefore, it may not be worth the awkwardness of telling the givers that they were duped. They will have no choice but to offer to return and replace it, feel bad about their blunder, and be forever paranoid about the authenticity of all future purchases.
At some point in the future, you may bring it up generally as an unfortunate phenomenon — and, if your friends make the connection, a mistake that is easy to make.
Otherwise, Miss Manners suggests you chalk this up to the unfortunate state of retail and go get some sleep.
Dear Miss Manners: I hired a woman to clean my house. She is very thorough and does a wonderful job. Looking ahead to the holidays, I plan on giving her a bonus for a job well done.
Do I give her assistant an equal bonus? Or is half as much proper?
Give a large bonus to the main housekeeper and tell her it is for both her and her assistant. This will make the decision of how to split it her problem. Merry Christmas.
Dear Miss Manners: I am the youngest of three brothers, and have always been close to my brother who is three years older than me. My other brother is seven years older, and because of the age gap, we weren’t so close growing up.
I just turned 50, which I consider a big birthday. The brother whom I am closest to took me out for dinner and gave me a nice birthday present. My older brother simply texted me “happy birthday” (no card, no phone call) and asked me what I wanted as a gift.
It’s now two months later, and still no gift. I am terribly hurt and disappointed by this. I can’t stop thinking about it, as it is very hurtful to me. I did call my older brother twice, and he said a birthday present would be coming. What should I do at this point?
Forget about it. Nagging him is making both the present and the prospect of a better relationship more distant.
If you really want to make him feel bad, Miss Manners suggests getting a nice present for him on his next birthday — big one or not.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
The post Miss Manners: Two people gifted me my favorite perfume. Both were knock-offs. appeared first on Washington Post.
