With the holiday season officially upon us, many couples are gearing up for family parties and festive events. For newer couples, this can trigger heightened anxiety—especially if you’re meeting your partner’s parents for the first time.
Thankfully, some body language tricks can help soothe your nerves and present the best version of yourself. Here are six tips for gaining approval from your partner’s parents.
1. Match Their Energy
A great rule of thumb is to energy-match the people you’re trying to impress. For example, let’s say you’re having dinner with a reserved couple. That’s obviously not the right place for bold outbursts or flashy language.
“If the parents are composed and speak softly, reflect that energy; if they are energetic and expressive, match their vibe, but carefully,” says Guy Taylor, professional poker player, psychology PhD, and body language expert at Gamblizar. “A bit of natural mirroring creates comfort for people as you seem closer and friendlier, which reduces social distance.”
Of course, you still want to be true to yourself in your interactions.
“As you follow someone’s rhythm, you feel more caring—a trait parents usually love,” Taylor continues. “However, be cautious of taking it too far, as you may be perceived as too inauthentic and suspicious.”
2. Listen Carefully
One of the most overlooked yet crucial parts of communication is active listening.
“Social psychologists say that displaying ‘social presence’ when listening makes you more appealing to speakers,” says Taylor. “Avoid the poker face—a small head tilt and eye contact while they talk shows you’re really listening and genuinely interested. People perceive it as you actually try to understand them, which feels more honest than nonstop nodding.”
3. Pause Before Replying
When we’re anxious, especially in social situations, we often jump to fill moments of silence. However, taking time to think before speaking guarantees more authentic communication.
“‘Response latency’ is basically a small pause that people associate with honesty,” says Taylor. “After the person finishes talking, make a short pause for about half a second before you continue the conversation. It communicates that you are actually considering what they said.”
Additionally, as noted above, speaking too soon can actually give the wrong impression.
“Answering too quickly may show you as a nervous, rushed, or slightly defensive person,” Taylor continues. “However, a short pause makes you seem more believable and calm, which is the grounded energy everyone usually trusts.”
4. Don’t Perform
Even if it’s unintentional, “performing” in social situations can come off as insincere.
“We are too afraid to be awkward. That’s why it’s often easier to put on an over-smile or never stop making jokes to manage anxiety,” says Taylor. “Social psychology research on self-presentation shows that people who try too hard to impress activate viewers’ ‘social monitoring,’ meaning that people start noticing signs of insincerity more.”
It’s far better to be authentic than to people-please your way through interactions.
“No need for giggling spasms or a forced smile at every joke or story told,” Taylor says. “Honest reactions are much more likely to build a connection because people easily feel honesty, even if it’s a bit awkward.”
5. Maintain Good Posture
Your posture can actually influence your confidence and anxiety levels.
“The idea of ‘power posing’ is still controversial, but there is plenty of research saying that an open posture can lower stress and improve self-control,” Taylor says. “To stay grounded and relaxed, have your back straight, your shoulders relaxed, and your chest open—whether sitting or standing. Keep your feet flat on the floor—this grounded body position makes your body feel safer and in control.”
6. Use physical contact wisely
One of my most dreaded parts of meeting someone new is wondering whether I should go in for a hug or a handshake. Your best bet? Follow their lead.
“Answer naturally if they offer a handshake or propose a polite gesture,” Taylor recommends. “Conversely, give them a friendly presence, warm words, and genuine attention if they do not initiate physical contact,” he concludes.
The post 6 Tips to Get Your Partner’s Family to Actually Like You This Holiday Season appeared first on VICE.
