This story is based on a conversation with Lamia Scott, 43, a flight attendant from Dallas, Texas. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I’ve always considered my mom, Marvia, my best friend because of her love, kindness, and intelligence.
We were so close that my son, Braxton, now 9, and I lived in an apartment complex right across the street from her home. We were in and out of each other’s places, and she often babysat.
As a single mom, I was particularly grateful for the support. She doted on her grandson, and the feeling was mutual.
Mom began to get forgetful
She is a former softball coach who has always prioritized her health. But three years ago, she started to act out of character. She began to experience forgetfulness and become easily irritated.
There were a few times when she’d say, “Why don’t you bring Braxton over? I want to see him.” When I did, she’d ask, “What are y’all doing here?”
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We’d go out to eat, and she’d get angry with the wait staff for no reason. Then she’d start crying out of the blue. She’d never behaved that way before.
I began to worry about her safety after smelling gas in her home. I’d come in through the garage, and it would hit me, but she was unaware that she’d accidentally put the stove on.
It wasn’t easy persuading her to see the doctor because she insisted nothing was wrong. But she was referred to a neurologist who diagnosed her with Alzheimer’s — later classified as Alzheimer’s with agitation — in December 2023.
We moved in with Mom because it made sense
Mom was in denial, but the news confirmed my fears. My maternal grandmother had suffered from the disease, and Mom was her primary caregiver for 12 years while she lived with our family. I knew what that road looked like.
My son and I left our rental apartment and moved in with my mom just three weeks after her diagnosis. She was my priority, and it made sense for us all to be under the same roof.
Braxton was in heaven because he loved being around his nana. But he noticed the difference too, and would comment on how much she repeated herself. He’d also wonder why she sometimes yelled at him when she’d been so understanding before.
“Why does Nana hate me?” he would say. I had to educate him about Alzheimer’s and explain about the agitation it caused. I told him that we were there to help. It made him proud to feel a part of her care team.
Braxton is good at redirecting his beloved nana
There have been times when I’ve gotten frustrated and said to Mom, “You said the same thing five seconds ago,” when she repeats herself.
But Braxton will redirect her and say, “Nana, it’s OK, you can ask me again, and let’s try to figure it out.” I’m really impressed with his grace.
One of the greatest challenges was managing Mom’s tendency to wander. I’d come home to find her not there, and I’d call her cellphone. Then I could hear it ringing somewhere in the house because she’d forgotten it.
She’d get in the car and drive for miles without knowing where she was. We’ve now got a tracker app on her phone and a Ring camera, which helps us monitor her whereabouts.
I know I’m not alone in this situation
They say it takes a village, and our neighbors have been great. If they see her out and about and can’t persuade her to return, they’ll text or call. I also find support through the organization, Alzheimer’s Agitation, which gives advice and connects me with other people in the same position, so I know I’m not alone.
Still, it’s hard for me not to feel overwhelmed when I try to juggle caregiving, single motherhood, and my job. We use a care service when I’m working for an extended period, and I may occasionally take family leave through FMLA.
I’ll sometimes feel guilty when I think about how Mom coped with the stress of caring for my grandmother with dementia without complaint. But I think I’m doing the best I can for the woman I love so much.
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