When my son was born, I spent the first six months of his life away from work. I was so happy that I could stay home to take care of him, but I was also alone all day.
I was a single mother at 26 years old, and my other good friends, who lived out of the area, didn’t have kids yet. I felt isolated in new motherhood, but I did have some family nearby.
My grandmother, who only lived 15 minutes away, began inviting me over for lunch nearly every day. Having a lunch date gave me something to put on my schedule. It gave me a place to be, a reason to get dressed, and leave the house.
Eating lunch with my grandmother was exactly what I needed
My grandmother always ate at the same time and ate well-balanced, healthy meals. Eating lunch with her held me accountable to a routine and a conscious diet.
Talking to her was what was really nourishing. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to talk about adjusting to life with a child until I showed up for lunch. I was also starving, sometimes living off of crackers and apple sauce at home in between feedings.
I found myself lingering more and more during our visits, as we talked and took turns holding the baby. It was nice getting to do small things hands-free, like eat a sit-down meal, but I also experienced myself missing my son when my grandmother held him for a while. It was the first time that I finally got a break, but then I instantly missed my son like crazy.
I worried about losing my daily lunch dates
I’d end up staying until the late afternoon, taking my son for a walk after lunch or resting with my grandmother while he napped. I did this for months and knew it was coming to an end, because she was a snowbird. She would come down to Florida during the winter and head back up north for the summer.
I was already dreading her departure when another family member asked what I’d do without her.
I got the sense that maybe others found it odd that I had become so close to my grandmother, given that I was 26 and she was in her 70s. But I just felt lucky to have spent that time of my life with her. Since I lost my mother at a very young age, spending that time with my maternal grandmother was really valuable to me. I’ll never get to ask my own mom for advice, but my son and I got to spend time with my mom’s mom, and I think that’s really special.
It was difficult for me after she left for the summer because that was when I really began to adjust to life as a single parent.
Connecting with my grandmother during postpartum helped me feel capable
I really missed spending time with my grandmother, and that’s when I realized how much her support had kept me grounded during those first six months of postpartum.
I can see now that my grandmother was looking out for me and that the connection I experienced during those visits made my postpartum experience so much more manageable. Having her support during the beginning of my son’s life and of my parenting journey gave me the strength to begin doing it all on my own that summer.
She didn’t have to go out of her way to host all of those lunches, but I think in doing so, she was just doing her best to take care of me in her own way.
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