Many people can relate to the desire to reconnect with an ex-partner. While some individuals are more prone to immediately moving on from relationships without a second thought, others tend to dwell for a period of time, wondering whether breaking up was really the right choice.
And, of course, countless couples have had years-long breaks before reconnecting and marrying for life. So, hey, circling back to an ex is not always the wrong choice.
Also known as circular relationships, this dating trend is more common than, and perhaps not as unhealthy, as you might think.
What Is a Circular Relationship?
A circular relationship is a fancy term for “getting back with your ex.” However, it’s not necessarily as toxic as it might sound.
Also commonly referred to as a repeat relationship, circular relationships can provide couples an opportunity to rekindle their spark after a period of separation and individual growth. If pursued with the right intentions and a deep level of commitment, circular relationships can be successful—and according to experts, even healthy.
“When both people have reflected on their part and their responsibility in the breakup, if they’ve learned from it and developed more emotional or communication skills, then things can be different,” psychotherapist Dr. Nicole Gehl told The Independent. “The positive is that you’re not starting from zero – but you have to recognise that you’re coming together as different people…The question isn’t ‘can it work’ but ‘have we both grown and changed enough to do something different as opposed to repeating the same old patterns?’”
Reasons People ‘Circle Back’ to Their Exes
We’ve all been there: you meet someone you feel like you’ve known your entire life, and before you know it, you find yourself falling head over heels in love with them. Within months, you convince yourself that you’ve found “the one.” But as the relationship progresses, your incompatibilities start to show, personal flaws start to clash, and doubt starts to set in. So…as a couple, you decide to break up.
However, as the days go on and the grief sets in, you start to miss the person, craving their comfort and support. This is often the motivation behind getting back together with an ex.
For many people, it’s more appealing to pursue someone with whom you already have an established connection and a strong foundation. Rather than starting over, you can work on repairing something you’ve already built together.
Additionally, circular relationships can be common between couples who ended on cordial terms and maintained an otherwise healthy connection. Sometimes, breakups really are a matter of the right person, wrong time.
How to Establish a Healthy Circular Relationship
If you do decide to reconnect with your ex, make sure you’ve both reflected, healed, and grown since the breakup. In these situations, self-awareness is key. You don’t want to jump back into a toxic dynamic simply because you don’t want to be alone. This means ample time should’ve passed between breaking up and reconnecting.
Additionally, just because you have a history doesn’t mean you should rush back into a committed relationship. Instead, prioritize going on dates over playing house, have hard conversations before making commitments, and take the space to find your grounding again.
Reconnecting with an ex can work, but only if both parties are willing to take accountability for their roles in the initial downfall of the connection. Otherwise, the circular relationship can turn into an on-again-off-again dynamic.
The post ‘Circular Relationships’ Are on the Rise: Why Reconnecting With an Ex Isn’t Always a Bad Idea appeared first on VICE.
