Most of us enjoy receiving gifts. But giving gifts can be an intimidating endeavor, especially if the goal is to show special appreciation for our loved ones.
“Gift-giving takes time,” said Alyse Dermer, the founder of Mr. Considerate, a luxury gift concierge service, who sees it as a skill that doesn’t come easily to everybody. Ms. Dermer, a former executive recruiter, started her business after she often found herself doling out gift advice to her clients around the holidays.
I asked her to share some tips. (This conversation has been edited and condensed.)
What makes a great gift?
The world is increasingly impersonal, and the most important thing I have found is that thoughtfulness lands. When you take the time to think about the recipient, when you show the extra effort that goes into a gift, it’s powerful.
What makes a great gift is something that makes somebody feel seen. People love when you remember something that they’ve said. It’s about connecting.
I had a client recently. He’s like, “My wife was complaining, she commutes into the city, and her purse is really heavy — and her back’s hurting.” We found this beautiful purse for her. It was super light. She loved it. She was like, “Wow, you heard me.”
Where do you look for inspiration?
I love to walk into places. I mean, I spend a day a week just walking New York City. Random stores, whether it’s SoHo, or NoHo, or down on the Lower East Side, or Madison Avenue, Fifth Avenue. I get inspired by the streets of New York City.
I also do have a lot of friends of the business that run different stores. They’re personal shoppers, they’re jewelers, they’re designers, they’re everything. I listen to them and what their clients are talking about.
How do you feel about people who share wish lists?
There’s nothing wrong with that, and that’s the truth. There’s nothing wrong with saying: “This is what I want. These are the things that I want for the holidays. Pick one.”
What are good generic gifts for acquaintances?
I love to gift games lately. If they’re young, it’s Uno. We’re big Monopoly players in my house. I love things that will bring people together.
How do you keep an ear, or an eye, out for that perfect gift?
Take note of something in the exact moment and write it down, because you’re probably going to forget. Just keep a running list of things that your significant other may say. Something that you feel might be exciting, that they might want.
You have to start early. Nothing good comes from waiting until the last minute. When you plan in advance, you also save yourself a lot of money.
You need to look at the stages of life. Where is this person in their life? Are they graduating from college? Are they getting a new job? A new grandparent?
Did she just give birth? Are you newly married? Do you have a big trip set up? Did she just get a promotion? What’s important to them right now?
What do I get people who already have everything or who buy themselves the things they need?
Maybe it’s not a high-ticket item. Price alone doesn’t create awe ever. It’s precision.
It could be something practical, but it needs to be something that they’re not going to go out and buy for themselves.
My husband likes to sleep in total darkness, and I got him an eye mask. You would have thought that I bought him a car!
Isabella Kwai is a Times reporter based in London, covering breaking news and other trends.
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