My family and I had been in Tanzania for two days and found ourselves in Zanzibar. We had just moved from Texas and came to the beautiful archipelago for language learning. Quickly, we realized that we had no idea what it would be like to adapt to a new culture.
It was Ramadan, and in Zanzibar — outside the tourist area — this meant closed restaurants, shuttered groceries, and recommendations to refrain from even drinking water in public until after dark. The cultural norms, so normal for our hosts and neighbors, were way out of our comfort zone and, unfortunately, our realm of understanding.
Still, my family of four made it our mission to connect with our Tanzanian neighbors. Once we settled in Dar es Salaam, we began the real work of adapting to a new culture as an American family. It took us 11 years.
Recently, a new opportunity in Portugal opened up. The process of grieving our home in Tanzania is still ongoing, but we have hope that our move to Portugal will be guided by the lessons we’ve learned over the last decade.
Here are three lessons that will help us as we make our second international move — with our now family of six.
1. Ask questions and ask for help
When we first moved to Tanzania, we reached out to people to ask questions about lifestyle, home, and community. It still wasn’t enough. This time we will be asking even more.
We have already connected with Portuguese and expat friends. We found others who had lived in Tanzania before, as well as a Portuguese real estate agent. My partner has an “auntie” in Portugal, whom she knows through her grandmother, and now this auntie has become our local host as we navigate the newness of Lisbon.
These are the “first people” everyone needs to settle into a new country, helping to navigate everything from turning the lights on in the apartment to the “real” places to shop for ceramics.
We will lean on them before we branch out to build an even stronger community.
2. Learn the language at our own pace
When we first moved to Tanzania, my partner and I felt pressure to become fluent in the language as quickly as possible.
We did fairly well, but we could have enjoyed those first years even more if we were more relaxed about the learning process. Others fall at the other end of the spectrum and don’t try to learn the language at all.
In Portugal, I’d like our family to land somewhere in the middle — eagerly learning Portuguese and cultural norms for the sake of knowing others more fully and navigating daily situations, but without pressure to reach a certain level.
Learning language and culture is a process, and everyone goes at their own pace. I found that locals know you are trying, and usually, friendly people will help you along the way.
3. Find the bright spots in the stress
During our time in Tanzania, we tried to discover the “bright spots” about where we lived. It was easy to complain about the things that are different or difficult, so we’re going to put in real work to find places of refuge and activities in Portugal.
These aren’t a “fix” for the challenges of adapting to and learning a new culture, but they can be places or bits of fun that provide stress relief.
For Portugal, we have already identified some of these places and activities, but we’re open to finding more once we officially make the move.
Moving to Portugal will be an adjustment, but we’re excited
This time around, we feel more prepared for our transition to Portugal than we ever did when we first moved to Tanzania. We are now a family of 6, but having a bigger family doesn’t mean extra worry. We are all well-equipped with emotional toolboxes to help us navigate our new normal. Not to mention we have each other if times get tough.
Beyond knowing what to take with us to provide a little bit of comfort and familiarity, we also know that our accumulated knowledge and understanding about how to adapt to a new cultural environment will help us to adjust quickly.
We look forward to new adventures, relationships, and opportunities to grow as we begin our next chapter in Lisbon.
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