I can’t name a single song by the Jonas Brothers, but I can tell you their names — Joe, Kevin and Nick — and that they made a sitcom, “Jonas” (second season titled “Jonas L.A.”), back in 2009 that I liked a lot. The memory of that show was enough to get me kind of excited for “A Very Jonas Christmas Movie,” premiering Friday on Disney+ — which, as it happens, I also like. The humor is self-deprecating, the setting international, the weather wintry, the company good.
The plot, which is basically “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” minus Steve Martin, John Candy and Thanksgiving, plus the Jonas Brothers, Christmas and magic, finds the boys — are they boys or are they men, it’s a point of discussion — in London, a few days before Christmas on the last night of a six-month tour. While they are good at being the capital-B Jonas Brothers onstage facing screaming thousands, they are less adept at being the small-b brothers after the curtain comes down. Their relationship seems pretty normal to me, but to each his own necessity.
Here they delineate their characters.
Joe (to Nick): You’re the uptight responsible one.
Kevin (to Joe): You’re the relatable tramp. I’m the relatable —
Nick: — human cardboard.
Joe: — forgettable Curly.
Nick: — the world’s most unlikely rock star.
Joe: Not Nick or Joe.
Kevin: I was going to say “handsome, relatable everyman,” but fine.
Anyway! The tour is over and the relatable tramp wants to go out and party, suggesting it could be epic. “We are three extremely exhausted dads in our 30s,” replies the uptight one, “how epic could it be?” And so, while his siblings FaceTime with their IRL families, Joe finds himself on a British barstool — a pubstool — beside a bearded stranger in a red leather jacket. You will recognize the actor as Jesse Tyler Ferguson and the character as St. Nick, barely disguised. Touched by Joe’s story of sibling alienation — “Our Christmas plans are to get the hell away from each other” — Santa works his wonders to keep them together until they get their brotherly magic back. For a start, he sends lightning to blow up the plane they’re scheduled to fly home on. (No one was aboard, we assume.)
“We should be able to function in the real world,” says Nick to Joe, who is about to phone their manager (Randall Park) to fix things.
“That would be ideal,” replies Joe, “but we’ve been famous since we were little kids, so it is what it is.”
Further supernatural complications ensue, allowing Joe to have a “Before Sunrise” episode with childhood friend Lucy (Chloe Bennet), cute-met on a train that should be going to Paris but is headed to Amsterdam, and Nick to hate-duet with frenemy Ethan (Andrew Barth Feldman), whose father he played in a fictional version of “Home Alone: The Musical” (“Being home alone / It’s like being with no / With no people”). Other talents swelling the ranks: Laverne Cox as their agent; Billie Lourd as travel agent Cassidy; Will Ferrell as Will Ferrell, No.1 Jonas fan; and Andrea Martin as a rideshare driver.
The songs feel mechanical — easy on the auto-tune, fellas, I’ve seen your Tiny Desk concert and you don’t need it — though the accompanying production numbers are fun. (You knew there would be production numbers.) But like the Beatles and Monkees before them, the brothers are natural, genuine actors; it’s my own Christmas wish that they find more to do in this line. A little breeze would blow the plot away, but keep the windows shut and you’ll be fine.
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