When people settle into long-term relationships, many partners start to take their lovers for granted. They might fall into a routine, forgetting to voice their appreciation or make time for their person. Or perhaps they become complacent, develop wandering eyes, or even turn the relationship into some sort of competition.
If you’re not careful, what might seem like harmless habits can actually spiral into the downfall of your relationship.
“The habits that destroy relationships are often those that we consider not to be a problem,” says Brie Temple, Chief Matchmaker and Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) at Tawkify. “The majority of relationships fall apart quietly due to small, repeated moments of emotional neglect, not necessarily one big moment.”
Here are four “harmless” habits that can actually sabotage your relationship.
1. Not Being Present
Unfortunately, it’s common for partners to become complacent in their relationships. Ask yourself this: While you might not necessarily be doing something “wrong,” are you positively contributing to your relationship?
For example, simply not being present for your person can lead to a major disconnect.
“Distracting yourself from the conversation, being half-hearted about spending quality time with your partner, and ignoring what he or she says lead to an emotional distance, which, over time, makes your partner feel unimportant and lonely despite you both being together,” says Temple.
2. Keeping Score
It’s easy to fall into the habit of keeping score against your partner, especially if you feel you’ve been carrying more of the mental or physical load. However, this approach can hurt the connection and pin you and your partner against each other.
“It makes you constantly think who did more for the other person, who said sorry first, who gave up more, etc.,” Temple says. “Because of this, relationships are turned into a battle for dominance, where affection becomes transactional rather than supportive.”
3. Microcheating
Many people don’t even realize they’re “microcheating” on their partners until it’s too late. While it’s not necessarily a measurable form of infidelity, microcheating can include secretive communications, inappropriate social media interactions, or even wandering eyes. Over time, this can tarnish trust and threaten intimacy within your relationship.
“A big problem habit I hear about is who people follow on Instagram and comments/likes,” says Stephanie Freitag, PhD. “Whether it’s an old flame, an office crush, or an influencer, I find that these interactions can spark jealousy and occasionally lead to accusations of ‘cheating.’”
4. No Longer Showing Affection
Taking your partner for granted is one of the easiest ways to lose them. When in a long-term relationship, you might assume your partner already knows you love them, find them attractive, and appreciate all that they do for you. But if you don’t actually communicate this to them, your partner might feel unwanted or neglected.
“Lack of compliments, flirtation, and curiosity leads to turning your relationship into an automatic routine without any effort made to improve it,” says Temple.
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