Oftentimes, we settle in relationships merely because they’re comfortable. Rather than choosing someone we truly love and who loves us in return, we stay with the wrong people because we’re too afraid to be alone or feel responsible for their happiness. We’ll opt for unfulfilling relationships over periods of solitude, unafraid to face our own guilt, loneliness and grief.
Of course, there’s a major difference between settling for a dead relationship vs. getting comfortable in an otherwise fulfilling, loving one. No relationship will bring you constant excitement, butterflies, and contentment. However, there should be an underlying sense of peace, respect, and companionship at its core.
Wondering how to tell whether you’re in a dead relationship? Angelika Koch, Relationship & Breakup Expert from Taimi, shares X red flags that signal you’re dating someone out of comfort, not connection.
1. Your Actions Do Not Reflect Love
If you pay close attention to where you invest your energy, you’ll learn more about what you value. For example, if you’re no longer prioritizing yourself, it might mean you’re no longer satisfied with it. Of course, this doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed—it might just mean you should re-evaluate your connection.
“The comfort we have when being with someone for a long time and the history we have with them can often be mistaken for love,” says Koch. “It’s important to remember that love isn’t just a feeling—in fact, feeling has little to do with it.”
“Love is an action,” she continues. “If your actions are showing that you’re checked out or your partner is mistreating you, then that is not love.”
2. You’re Staying Out of Fear
Fear is one powerful emotion, often influencing our actions and even changing the trajectory of our lives. It can hold you back from taking the necessary steps toward your goals and dreams, and confine you to places that don’t serve you.
“People will remain in relationships because of a fear of the unknown, a fear of being alone, and the deep fear of breaking apart their family if they have children involved,” says Koch. “Fear can be a contributing factor to believing we are in love, when it’s more [about] remaining with someone because of convenience, pressure, or obligation.”
So, how exactly do you distinguish fear from love?
“When someone notices they are not that into another person and sees the incompatibilities but wants to continue the connection, that’s normally a sign that they are dating someone out of fear of loneliness rather than genuine connection,” Koch explains.
3. You Feel Pressured to Stay
Many of us have felt trapped in relationships or guilted into staying. This can be due to a variety of factors, from living arrangements and finances to codependency and mental health.
Koch notes that many people will stay in relationships simply because they’re battling financial or emotional pressure. As she points out, this is often “due to a partner who claims they won’t be able to ‘survive’ without them in their life.”
The post 3 Signs You’re in a Dead Relationship and Should Probably Just End It appeared first on VICE.
