Three decades ago, the best-selling book “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” told heterosexual women exactly what they should do to entice a man into marriage.
The 35 rules the authors came up with assumed that men were hunters, meaning women needed to act like docile, disinterested prey: “Don’t talk to a man first,” “Don’t go Dutch on a date,” “Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday, ” “Don’t rush into sex” and, among other vague instructions: “Be honest but mysterious.”
Huh. Even in 1995, many people found these supposed rules to be misguided and outdated. Yet there’s always a hunger for being told what to do in life, especially when it comes to relationships.
We’re looking to create a new, crowdsourced list of rules for dating. Today, with thousands of potential matches in our pockets and many old courtship rituals long abandoned, dating can seem more perplexing than ever.
So, tell us, what are your dating rules?
What surprising strategies do you use to narrow the field? What are your red, green or yellow flags? Do you have any special deal breakers or methods of seduction? How do you decide who initiates, who pays for what, how honest to be and when? What are your rules for sex? What is your texting etiquette? When you don’t see a future, do you ghost, send a cut-and-paste note, spend hours composing a heartfelt explanation? Is there a principle you live by when you want a future with someone?
Please tell us in the form below by Sunday, Feb. 1, at 11:59 p.m. Pacific. Note: You must use your full legal name to participate in this project.
We will not publish any part of your response without contacting you first, verifying your information and hearing back from you. We won’t share your contact information outside The New York Times newsroom or use it for any reason other than to get in touch with you.
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Miya Lee is the editor of Modern Love projects.
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