If watching the Beckham family publicly implode has you wondering whether it’s time to set some boundaries with your parents, a therapist says to look for one major sign:
If your relationship with them undermines your sense of self.
Business Insider spoke to Shruti Jain, a London-based family therapist, after Brooklyn Peltz Beckham, 26, made public the rift with his parents, David and Victoria Beckham.
Speculation of a feud grew last May after David Beckham shared photos from his 50th birthday on Instagram that didn’t include Peltz Beckham or his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham. It intensified in December, when his brother Cruz Beckham, 20, denied that his parents had unfollowed Peltz Beckham on Instagram, and said he and his parents had been blocked.
In Monday’s Instagram story, Peltz Beckham made a series of allegations against his parents, including some related to his 2022 wedding. He added that he is no longer seeking reconciliation with them, but “peace, privacy and happiness for us and our future family.”
Peltz Beckham and his parents, David and Victoria, did not immediately respond to Business requests for comment from Business Insider.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean the relationship must end — it might just be different
Jain, a family therapist, said clients often bring up setting boundaries with their parents in therapy.
“The work that I do as a family therapist is to understand when you start disconnecting with your core self,” Jain said. “The core self is the person you are: a person who says, ‘I love the color blue,’ and ‘I love to eat at this restaurant,’ and ‘I’m not a morning person.'”
Over time, she said, growing up in family systems where those beliefs, values, and preferences are repeatedly questioned or dismissed can erode a person’s sense of self. That can happen through overt behaviours, such as gaslighting or emotional abuse, or more subtle patterns like persistent criticism or questioning of a child’s likes and dislikes.
“Somewhere along the line, when you have disconnected over many things about yourself, you will start questioning the people around you,” Jain said.
She added: “Boundaries need to be established when your core sense of self, values, and beliefs become questionable.”
Business Insider previously reported on how to navigate setting boundaries with parents, including reminding yourself that you’re not harming them by doing so, and not attempting to placate them when their mood changes.
Charlotte Baden-Powell, a London-based integrative psychotherapist who works with individuals navigating complex family dynamics, told Business Insider that boundaries often create “space for reflection, differentiation, understanding, and integration.”
That distance, she said, can allow both parents and adult children to gain perspective outside the family system, which can lead to healthier relationships over time.
“In many cases, relationships resume in a different form,” Baden-Powell said.
She added: “In others, they may end, where continued contact would be psychologically harmful — particularly if only one family member has taken the opportunity to reflect and develop their perspective.”
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