Dating is hard enough today as it is, but fueling yourself with false hope and ignoring red flags will only make it more challenging. And while you might laugh at some of the “dating rules” you hear about on TikTok (I know I do), some of them actually do include valuable advice and hard truths.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but generally, these facts are labeled as such for a reason: they’ve been proven time and time again. Here are four hard dating truths to stop resisting.
1. If They Wanted to, They Would
This common phrase has taken over the internet in recent years, sparking quite a debate. Many people fully back the sentiment, claiming that if someone were truly interested in you, they would pursue you. They’d call you up, schedule a date, ask for commitment, etc., without making you question or wonder how they feel.
Others, however, believe the idea is too simple, pointing out more complexities in the argument. For example, some people really do want to reach out and rekindle a relationship, but they’re too anxious to ask. Some people really do want to commit to you, but their mental health is taking priority during this time. Some people really do want to get their s—t together and become the partner you deserve, but they don’t even know where to start.
Wherever you fall in this debate, there is a layer of truth beneath the statement. But perhaps we should rephrase it to…“If they wanted to and were capable of doing so, they would.”
Regardless of the reason, something is preventing the person from showing up for you the way you need. Take that at face value and fight the urge to see yourself as the exception. You’ll likely only end up wasting your time and breaking your own heart. (Trust me, I’ve been there.)
2. They Won’t Change For You
So many people stay in relationships with the hope that their partner might someday change. In other words, they’re not committed to the person but rather to their potential. This is a recipe for disaster.
Sure, people can and do change throughout their lives, but there will be evidence of effort and consistent action. For example, is the person going to therapy? Are they bettering themselves for the relationship? Are they following through on promises?
If there’s a pattern of disrespect, betrayal, carelessness, or even lack of ambition, you’ll want to ask yourself this valuable question: if nothing changed in the next five years, would you still be happy in this relationship? If the answer is no, reconsider whether you’re willing to put up with this behavior forever.
3. Timing Does Matter
Have you ever heard of the heartbreaking sentiment of “right person, wrong time”? Many people believe that no matter what, if you met the right person, you would make it work. The timing would be right, even if it weren’t convenient.
Others believe this absolutely can be the case, where you’re head-over-heels in love with someone, but not in the phase of life where you can commit to them or fulfill their wants/needs.
I see both sides of the coin, falling somewhere in the middle. I do believe if someone is important to you, you would at least try to make it work. I can also acknowledge that sometimes, it’s out of your control. As mentioned earlier, factors like mental health or even simply life circumstances must take priority. You might live in separate places, or your timelines might conflict with one another. In other words, timing truly does matter in dating, as much as we might wish it didn’t.
4. Your Person Wouldn’t Abandon You
So often after breakups, I see people hold on to hope because they believe they lost their “person.” You know, the only one they could ever possibly do life with.
Now, I don’t buy into the myth of “the one.” Sure, I think we meet certain people who serve certain roles along our journey, but I don’t think there’s just one person for each of us, who we are meant to find and spend eternity with.
That being said, even if you do believe in “the one,” why feed the narrative that your ex—you know, the one who dumped you like you meant nothing to them—was supposed to be that person for you?
In my opinion, your person wouldn’t abandon you. They wouldn’t leave you behind, and you wouldn’t question their feelings for you. And if you truly do believe this person is “the one,” you can’t force them to see it. They also have to want it—want you, and be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
The post If They Wanted to, They Would (and 3 Other Hard Truths of Dating appeared first on VICE.
