Have you ever heard of the taxi cab theory? You know, the one that says heterosexual men marry based on readiness rather than genuine love? This assumption might be true in some instances, but the generalization can also be harmful.
Let’s explore the concept further…
What Is the Taxi Cab Theory?
The taxi cab theory is a dating assumption that suggests men will marry the person they happen to be with when they’re ready to settle down, rather than the actual love of their life.
In other words, they could be head-over-heels with “the one” for years, but if they aren’t ready for commitment, they’ll end up walking away from the person they truly loved. Then, once they’ve reached the age when they’d like to get married, they’ll propose to whoever they’re dating at that time, rather than someone they actually adore.
This theory suggests that men prioritize convenience and timing when it comes to love and commitment. They’ll choose someone, not based on compatibility and connection, but rather their readiness to take the next steps in life.
You might be wondering: why is this concept called the “taxi cab” theory? Well, the phenomenon earned its name in Season 3 of “Sex and the City,” when Miranda proposed that “men are like cabs.”
“When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day, and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, then they turn their light on,” Miranda stated. “The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.”
The Issue With Miranda’s Theory
Not only is the taxi cab theory incredibly depressing if true, but it also oversimplifies and generalizes the male experience.
“The taxi cab theory is gender-specific, and not based on any research or psychological data,” Tammy Nelson PhD, Author of Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, told Verywell Mind. “It is assuming heteronormative relationships where men decide to commit when they are ready to commit, regardless of who they are with.”
Nelson added that it “negates choice, attraction, and a more conscious decision around partnership.”
“It also implies that men are not choosing a partner based on their connection but rather go blindly into a relationship, regardless of their feelings,” she continued. “This is almost as assumptive as portraying men as being ‘trapped’ [in] relationships before they are ready. Either way, it doesn’t give men much credit for planning their lives, or acknowledging who they are in love with, or who might be the best long-term match.”
Not to mention, women also tend to follow timelines and succumb to pressure when they’re nearing a certain phase of their lives. This is just a natural part of dating/growing up. That’s why so many people talk about the “right person, wrong time” theory (so many theories…), which states that an ex-partner—had you met them later in life, when you were ready for commitment—likely would’ve been “the one” you settled down with. Of course, this concept is not gender-specific, yet it paints a similar picture as the taxi cab theory, without singling out men.
Is It Really That Toxic?
Moral of the story? Most humans seek companionship and commitment only when they feel ready—which doesn’t seem like a toxic trait to me. This doesn’t mean they’re only marrying because they want a spouse and kids within the next few years.
Trust me, I’ve fed myself taxi cab theory in the past while trying to reassure myself post-breakup, watching my ex give his new partner everything he once promised me. As it turns out, he just wasn’t that into me—and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean he’s “settling” with his new girlfriend, who appears to be a much greater match for him.
Compatibility often means shared timelines and life goals. It makes perfect sense to choose someone you’re aligned with—just make sure you’re truly in love with them, too.
The post Is the ‘Taxi Cab Theory’ True—and Is It Really That Toxic? appeared first on VICE.
