When news surfaced recently that President Donald Trump would not only attend the FIFA World Cup draw Friday in Washington, but also would prominently feature, the idea was greeted with the usual derision prompted by one of the most polarizing humans on the planet. But also with considerable confusion: Trump? Soccer? Had he ever showed the slightest interest in the sport?
But that of course ignored the history of the World Cup draw, which ostensibly exists solely to announce the schedule of matches but historically has been a way for the host country to show off at maximum kitsch to a global audience. This is an event that in 2006 in Germany offered a rickety CGI video of a talking soccer ball; in 2014, an epic Brazilian samba dance that could still be going on; in 2018, Russian supermodels announcing countries they seemed never to have heard of before.
There was no way Trump was going to be able to resist this spectacle at the Kennedy Center. The event was basically made for him. What’s the point of being president if you can’t have the Village People perform for you at a soccer event, after all?
Thus, we got also Andrea Bocelli opening — the highlight of the ceremony, if just because the Italian tenor seemed to be the only person who had rehearsed — followed by hours (hours!) of strained banter between Heidi Klum and Kevin Hart (who was somehow even less funny than in those tortured Verizon Elf commercials); multiple video packages that seemed to be written, narrated and even edited by AI; and soccer legend Rio Ferdinand, Matthew McConaughey, Salma Hayek and FIFA president Gianni Infantino appearing in a ghastly “comedy sketch.”
Then there was the pièce de résistance, the awarding of the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize, to Trump himself, who accepted the award with a glee and seemingly genuine appreciation that was astounding to see. The award, invented by Infantino in an obvious effort to curry favor with the president, credited Trump for being “a dynamic leader who has engaged in diplomatic efforts that created opportunities for dialogue, deescalation and stability, and who has championed the unifying power of football on the world stage.” Call it the Fauxbel Peace Prize.
What was the most farcical moment? Maybe when Trump returned to the stage to explicate the difference between “football” and “American football” — to an audience, possibly in the billions, that just wanted to know if their country ended up in a group with Spain or France or Brazil.
Trump’s stamp was all over the event even when he wasn’t on the stage. At one point, Infantino, channeling Trumpian grandiosity, actually said, “FIFA is the official happiness provider for humanity since over 100 years, right?” And the World Cup is “the greatest event that humanity, that mankind, has ever seen and will ever see.”
Eventually — eventually — they got to the actual draw, and if you’re a U.S. soccer fan, you had to be thrilled with the group selection. To face Paraguay, Australia and the winner of a European playoff involving Turkey, Romania, Slovakia and Kosovo is the platonic ideal; the highest ranked among those teams is Turkey, and they’re not even guaranteed to win their playoff to reach the group stage.
It’s easy for many Americans to feel a little gloomy about the nation’s prospects these days, but for those who watched the draw, now they can look forward to the summer. The U.S. team at least has a decent chance of making the later rounds, even if winning it all is basically unthinkable.
In the meantime, there’s the indelible image of Trump dancing to “YMCA,” honoring the tradition of the FIFA World Cup draw putting the host nation on ridiculous, embarrassing display. Yet the event was mesmerizing, and it was impossible to look away. Kind of like the effect of the FIFA Peace Prize winner himself.
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