A man in Auckland, New Zealand, found out the hard way that Fabergé eggs are not real eggs. Egg-shaped, sure. But for all the genetic tampering we’ve done to maximize factory-farmed chickens, we have not yet found a way to make one that can poop diamonds.
The man found this out because he allegedly stole a jewel-encrusted Fabergé egg locket by picking it up and depositing it in the safest place he could think of—in his stomach. I don’t blame him. When I travel, I protect myself from pickpockets by keeping my wallet and passport in my stomach.
CNN reports that the 32-year-old suspect walked into a central Auckland jewelry store last Friday, browsed the merchandise, and pulled off a good old-fashioned smash-and-grab. It wasn’t the most subtle heist. Staff immediately took note and promptly called the police.
The cops arrived minutes later to arrest the man, who was still in the store, presumably because he didn’t want to upset his tummy after eating a jewel-encrusted egg. Think of the cramps you’d get. And the gas? Ugh.
Thief Swallows $19,000 Fabergé Egg During Heist
Inspector Grae Anderson said the man received a medical assessment and is currently under constant supervision. Which probably means that there is a team of doctors and police officers patiently waiting around this man’s butt, and will continue to do so until a diamond-encrusted egg falls out of it.
If that alone weren’t enough, there’s another layer of absurdity added on to this. This is no ordinary Fabergé egg, an object that is already out of the ordinary. This is a Fabergé egg inspired by one featured in the James Bond movie, Octopussy.
Speaking as an enormous Bond fan, it’s one of the lesser Bond films, but it does feature some of the most phenomenal stunt work you will ever see. And also, an egg.
The Octopussy egg is valued at NZ$33,585, which is around $19,300 US. It’s crafted from 18-karat yellow gold with green guilloché enamel and encrusted with 60 white diamonds and 15 blue sapphires. It even opens up to reveal a tiny 18-karat gold octopus with black diamond eyes.
Fabergé eggs have been soaring in value of late, which is why the police and medical professionals are keeping a close eye on this man’s rectum.
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