Dear Miss Manners: I am a high school senior who usually sits with my friend Oliver in English class. I’ve known him for about a year and we get along very well and hang out outside of school since we only have one class together.
We don’t actually talk much in this class. I’ve noticed he has difficulty focusing so he can’t be distracted from his schoolwork and our usual shared activities aren’t really something to be doing in class.
I noticed today that the table behind where Oliver and I sit has about five people and they were having a pretty amazing conversation for most of class. I could hear them making some very witty remarks about the current assignment and they talked a lot about TV shows I enjoy.
I’d like to ask the teacher if I can move to the fun table but I do not want Oliver to feel like I want to avoid him or don’t enjoy his company, he’s just a bit boring in comparison.
How should I tell Oliver about my decision without him forming anxiety over it? Also I don’t want him to feel left out as only one other person sits at our current table and she doesn’t really talk to either of us.
As a rule, Miss Manners considers herself an advocate for any Gentle Reader who has sought her advice. Not, of course, if the intention of the query is to justify rudeness or to be combative.
But yours is neither. Rather, it is the laudable intention of preventing your pleasure from resulting in another’s desolation.
So far, Miss Manners is with you. But hold on a minute.
Your complaint about Oliver is that he doesn’t talk in class much. He concentrates on the subject matter. So it would be a lot more fun to join the hilarious group that isn’t paying attention.
And you are appealing to a grown-up to help you?
How about applying some of that sensitivity to others? You might begin with the teacher — who, frankly, should have broken up that table of wits; then the students who are interested in the subject; and perhaps your own parents, who trusted that you were in school to learn.
Dear Miss Manners: I recently came across a Victorian-era serving piece described as a “Victorian lobster dish.” I had not previously seen dishes designated for lobster, nor had I seen any that had a lobster figure as the handle of the divided dish, as this one does.
What recipe for lobster would use a fancy, divided serving dish?
Lobster and dressing? Lobster salad? Lobster risotto?
This is not the food department, but Miss Manners, who maintains that one does not need elaborate equipment to entertain, is nevertheless charmed by the Victorian craze for specialization. Still, she will not report you if you use it for crab salad.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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