Dear Miss Manners: I have a very close friend I have known for a long time. I enjoy seeing her and her husband. However, whenever we go out to dinner, she always tells me to make the restaurant reservation, as supposedly I know all the places to go to.
Once we are at the restaurant, she always complains about the food. Last time, there were not enough capers in the sauce and it had no flavor. At a fine steak restaurant, she returned four items: the coffee, the salad dressing, the steak that was undercooked (and then overcooked, when it came back) and finally the ice cream!
We once went to breakfast, and she returned scrambled eggs.
It is so upsetting to me. I can understand if something is truly not good, but these are fine restaurants and they are just doing their typical service. I feel so horrible that she bothers the waiters by tasting four different types of wine and finally picking one that she then doesn’t like.
Stop going to restaurants with her: “You have such discerning taste, and I don’t want you to suffer when the food is not up to your standards. Why don’t we go to a museum or for a walk instead?”
Miss Manners warns that you may then have to listen to her unsolicited critiques on art. And nature. But presumably, she will not be able to send either of those back to the kitchen.
Dear Miss Manners: For the last 12 years, I’ve worked as a member of a tight-knit office within a much bigger organization. My co-workers have been here even longer.
We know each other well because we have to travel together often, but don’t typically socialize outside of work (we’re together enough already!). I’ve been to a few graduation parties and a funeral, but generally don’t interact with my co-workers’ families much.
My oldest child is getting married, and we’re finalizing the guest list. I’m hesitating about who, if anyone, to invite from work. I think my director would genuinely like to attend but am not sure about the other project manager, or my closest collaborator, whom I technically supervise.
Should I treat this as an all-or-nothing situation, like grade school birthday parties? Should I consider the office power dynamics when extending invitations? Or should I just assume most people think weddings are annoying and not worry about it? I’m not sure what is correct.
The rule is to invite anyone with whom you are friends outside of work. And that sounds to Miss Manners like exactly no one in this group, including your enthusiastic director. Keeping it equitable will be far more palatable, especially for your colleagues.
Dear Miss Manners: Who customarily walks the mother of the groom down the aisle?
Whichever groomsman is trying to avoid the bridesmaid he spent the previous night with will probably volunteer.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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