Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I are disagreeing on what a proper RSVP is. I sent out digital invitations for my son’s birthday party and requested people RSVP to me. Many of his family members “liked” the digital invitation, but did not specifically respond as to whether or not they were attending.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I are disagreeing on what a proper RSVP is. I sent out digital invitations for my son’s birthday party and requested people RSVP to me. Many of his family members “liked” the digital invitation, but did not specifically respond as to whether or not they were attending.
I told my husband that no one from his family had responded, but he thinks the fact that they “liked” the invitation is their RSVP. I don’t agree with this, especially since there are families being invited with children who do not have their own phones to “like” the invitation.
Even if this counts as their response, how do I know whether to expect one person or their entire five-person family?
When they first appeared, Miss Manners was assured that electronic invitations would be such an improvement over the old handwritten form, because everyone would respond quickly and it would save everyone all the time and tediousness of — something. She had stopped listening by then.
Instead, the same people who had responded to handwritten invitations responded to electronic ones — and the same people who failed to respond to one also failed to respond to the other. And the people who did respond could still be endlessly nagged, because somehow the computer didn’t record their response, and everyone could be dunned for presents or photos or just cash.
So you can imagine her reaction at learning that there is now a way to respond that is unintelligible to the hostess.
Does this thing have a Very Much Dislike button?
Dear Miss Manners: I participate in an organization with quite a few members. Apparently, I resemble one of the leaders of the organization. I am frequently mistaken for this person, although I don’t think we really look alike.
Usually, people apologize when they address me by the other person’s name, but occasionally people seem put out, as if I were trying to trick them or act as an impersonator.
What is the polite way to tell people I am not the other person without raising their hackles? Sometimes I almost feel like they expect me to apologize!
Your final exclamation suggests that you doubt your own assessment that anyone could be so irrational as to blame you for their mistake.
But Miss Manners assures you it is actually a common — which is not to say acceptable — reaction in such situations.
The correct way to react to being mistaken for someone else will depend on the other person’s behavior. It is an embarrassing situation for them, so if they make a genuine apology, help them out by accepting the apology quickly and changing the subject.
With anyone rude enough to display resentment, you may smile when you deny being the other person. This is not rude; you are merely declining to help them out of the hole they have dug — and apparently wish to continue excavating.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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