Courtesy of Laura Leavitt
I remember opening our bounty of wedding gifts vividly. Ten years ago, right after our wedding, my husband and I road-tripped to New Orleans for our honeymoon, and we passed the time on the road by opening a gift every hour or so. With every bit of tissue paper, we felt like the most well-loved people in the world.
Friends and family gave us so many of the things we needed to set up our home and start our family. I thought for sure that every single kind gesture would be bright in my mind forever, but it turns out that many of the specifics of those gifts have faded and been replaced by the feeling of the warm glow of support I felt opening them, as my mind has filled up with 10 more years of life.
Some gifts have stood the test of time
Time makes forgetful people of us all, and I can now look around my home and only dimly remember which items are from which family members and friends. I do remember some items: I remember that my husband's ex-girlfriend, of all people, got me the super-useful hanging rack that holds all my pots and pans in the kitchen; I remember that a bunch of the pottery we own came from a dear friend whose family has a pottery business, allowing him to give us a truly lavish gift of handmade items without having to pay retail for them himself.
Courtesy of Laura Leavitt
And while I appreciate the various housewares that have stood the test of time and not broken in this decade of use, the things that stick with me are really because of memories attached to them, not just utility.
Two friends painted detailed tropical scenes on big wine glasses as one of our wedding gifts, and they made every sip more festive for the last 10 years. Another pair of friends chose to commission some simple paintings of a couple under an umbrella, and every time I see them, I think about how my husband and I are trying to shelter each other, to be each other's companion, no matter what rain may fall.
Even gifts that change or get repurposed are memories
I've been a lucky person; while I've lost some dear family members, over the 10 years of my marriage, I've also had very special years with so many of the people who matter to me. My great-grandmother, who specialized in making intricate lace, designed a beautiful wall hanging featuring my new last name for us that still hangs in my home.
Courtesy of Laura Leavitt
The memories associated with it are bittersweet, since she passed away a few years ago. It brought me joy about my new last name when I first saw it. Now it brings me nostalgia, remembering the good conversations I had with her and her no-nonsense approach to life, and delight in hearing stories about my young son.
Similarly, some of the housewares got repurposed over the years. I've never been one to remember to pull out the salad spinner, even though it's an incredibly useful tool for the task after which it's named.
However, when my son was a baby, he stumbled upon our wedding-gift salad spinner and took to it immediately. The family member who gifted it to us didn't know we'd ever have a kid, much less that he'd be learning cause and effect as he pushed the buttons to make the contraption spin and stop, over and over.
Courtesy of Laura Leavitt
Accepting how marriage changes
My husband and I have aged, of course, and having a son means that we have daily visible evidence of the passing of time. However, the gifts we still treasure from our wedding are proof both of the persistent love of those around us, as well as evidence that everything does evolve.
Like the concept that humans lose and regenerate cells so often that we're somewhat "new people" every 7-10 years, our marriage is constantly shedding its skin, growing, morphing, and becoming a different thing. When we need new linens or when one of our favorite mugs breaks, it's just a sign that we're in it for the long haul, no matter how much marriage — and all our associated stuff — changes.
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