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I recently became a grandmother. As my daughter’s due date approached, I decided to cut back my work hours, just in case my daughter could be convinced to let me help.
As the weeks passed and my son-in-law returned to work, I stepped in to help with tasks such as dishes, laundry, changing diapers, and the occasional night shift to help the new parents try to get some sleep.
This ended up being one of the best decisions of my life.
I remember my own early motherhood journey
While my own new motherhood was many years ago, there are aspects I remember clearly: the wonder of holding a life that I had a hand in creating, the wavering (un)certainty of whether we were prepared to be parents, and the crushing physical and mental exhaustion that comes with having a newborn in our lives.
Then, fear and loneliness crept in when the novelty wore off. Everyone else returned to their normal lives, and I spent days with a completely helpless person I already loved but did not yet really know.
A few weeks after my grandchild’s arrival, my daughter expressed concern that she was taking too much of my time. I joked that I was on “grandmaternity leave.” Every day, I became more convinced that this should, in fact, become “a thing.” Not only was I able to help my daughter navigate the early days of being a mom, but I also got to spend precious time with my own child, with whom I now shared something special in common — being a parent.
I committed to making every minute count
Knowing how quickly the days turn into years, I committed to making every minute count. Some days, we ran errands; others, we sat in her living room, chatting, eating, and marveling at our new family member. Sometimes, exhaustion took over, and she catnapped while I snuggled my grandbaby, time-traveling to the days when I held my own baby in my arms.
Courtesy of the author
I pondered parenthood and how much time we spend worrying about things that don’t really matter. I reassured my daughter that mistakes will be made, and that’s OK. Good parents tend to be way too hard on themselves.
I shared stories of my early motherhood experiences; she shared current wisdom and things she had already learned about being a mom. We talked about how different parenting is in the age of Google and how much more society could do to make things easier for new moms. At one point, she stumbled onto a universal truth: None of us really know what we’re doing. Much of parenting is making things up as we go along.
We took daylong outings to the zoo and to a local flower farm. At times, I stepped back and watched. I stole moments to observe the rather ordinary transition of a new generation emerging. I marveled at my daughter’s absolute competence and quiet confidence as she simply did what needed to be done. Had I been like that? Did she grasp these things intuitively, or had I somehow, unknowingly, passed on some of the “secrets” of motherhood?
I cherish the time I spent with them
Before we knew it, our leaves were approaching their end. As anyone on the far side of 30 knows, time has a tendency to move much faster than we would like. While I was sad that she would soon be returning to work, I cherish the time we spent getting reacquainted as adults who are both called Mom.
This time began as my attempt to make things easier for my daughter. It ended up strengthening what was already a close bond.
We had long ago shifted to a relationship more like friends. I go to her for advice as often as she comes to me. She is no longer “my little girl,” but I can still see glimpses of the child she was — the sparkle in her eyes when she smiles and the way she dances when she’s happy.
My grandmaternity leave allowed me the opportunity to help, giving her more time to focus on the joys of new motherhood. It also gave me a front-row seat to witness her joy.
Overall, I’d give it five stars — highly recommended.
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