Whether you’re with a one-night stand or years into a relationship, sometimes you have the insatiable urge to feel connected to your partner during sex — extra connected. Luckily, there are many ways to do that. For example, a 2017 study found that saying “I love you” during sex can make partners feel emotionally connected (though this would be very awkward during a one-night stand), as well as other things like eye contact, breathing in sync, and practicing mindfulness. While all these things can take intimacy to a whole new level, they’re not the only things.
A 2018 survey of 994 people ages 18 to 74 by Superdrug Online Doctor found that when it comes to feeling connected to a partner, sex position plays a big role.
“Sex can be the perfect conduit to build intimacy between a couple because it addresses both the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy. Skin-to-skin contact allows for the release of the ‘bonding’ hormone oxytocin and helps you build trust — an important component of intimacy,” relationship and sex expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk tells Bustle. “Emotionally, sex can help you learn to open up and become vulnerable with your partner by being willing to try new things and discuss sensitive topics related to your sexuality.”
The respondents consisted of 49% women, 51% men, and less than one percent that didn’t identify as either. While the group was primarily heterosexual, many of these positions can be used or adapted to bodies of all kinds.
Below, eight positions that are ideal for feeling closer to your partner. What makes people feel emotionally intimate varies from person to person, but if you’re looking to inject more connection into your sex life, these positions just might do the trick.
Missionary
This might not shock you, but 60% of women reported that missionary was the position that made them feel most connected with their partner. It might have something to do with all that eye contact, which makes things supremely intimate.
Spooning
Part cuddle, part sex, 15% of women say the spooning sex position is their favorite for feeling in sync with their partner.
Cowgirl
When we orgasm, our bodies release oxytocin, which doesn’t just make us feel good, but also makes us feel closer to our partner. While the face-to-face aspect plays a role in that connectedness experienced in this position, the fact that it’s also likely to result in an orgasm (as 28% of women say) explains why 10% have this one high up on their list.
69
Nothing says “I’m totally connected to you” like having your faces in each other’s crotches. Oral sex is a very intimate sexual act that requires a level of vulnerability. As such, 5% of women said this was made them feel connected to their partner.
Lotus
The survey covered the classics, but there are plenty of other creative positions that offer intimacy. This one is executed by sitting in your partner’s lap, which allows you to get extra tight — physically and sexually. The flower-inspired position creates an opportunity for deep penetration.
Proposal
Maybe it’s the matrimony-inspired name, but there’s something about the Proposal that sets it apart from the rest. This position requires both parties to kneel — which means one person isn’t putting in more work than the other — and allows both participants to look each other in the eyes during the heat of the moment.
Mutual Masturbation
A couple who masturbates together, stays together. Though it’s usually a solo act, involving your partner in the process can do wonders for your intimacy as it offers them a peek into your most private moments (and vice versa).
On Top
There’s no denying being on top gives you a sense of authority, but it can be a vulnerable experience, too. Doing this with someone you trust can feel rewarding in more ways than one.
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