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The Busywork Is Beyond
I have worked for a large health care organization for over 25 years and am less than two years away from retirement. By staying until my full retirement age, I will benefit from a great pension and lifelong health care benefits.
While I still enjoy the work, I have gotten increasingly sour on the extra corporate projects we are required to participate in. My workday is so packed with patient care, I often have to do these extra tasks on my own time. I fluctuate between passive-aggressively doing the bare minimum and unloading my harshest criticism. I have told my managers how frustrated I am. While they sympathize, they aren’t in a great position to fix this problem.
I feel like I am powerless to make any effective change. But I also hate how bitter I have become about my job. I am counting my days until retirement. I recognize that the only control I have is over my own attitude. Any advice on how to survive my remaining time at work?
— Anonymous
“I recognize that the only control I have is over my own attitude.” This is wise, and true, but it isn’t the whole story. For one thing, you also have control of your actions, and you seem to have some understanding about the manner in which your attitude is directed at others around you. And not for the better.
This isn’t to make my answer all about your supposed failings. You wrote in because you’re struggling. (I notice an element of actual suffering, too — after all, you use the word “survive.”) But I want to point out that how you decide to approach a difficult circumstance is up to you, and so is how (or if) you act on it.
In this case, part of your struggle involves the knowledge that you aren’t acting your best, or, in other words, that you’re not proud of the person you’ve become — “bitter,” you said — at least with regards to your work. That’s the sort of thing that can weigh on a person just as much as outside circumstances themselves can.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to be passive aggressive — or “unload your harshest criticism.” This, too, is not out of your control. I also have no doubt that part of what is affecting your attitude is your sense of agency, and your feelings as to whether you are being truly heard. And though it sounds like you are, your direct managers seem unable to make meaningful change.
Here’s a question you may want to consider: What would making meaningful change look like? Perhaps part of reasserting agency and feeling more empowered is to approach your work as an opportunity to provide your managers with solutions to the demands being put on you. Think about making a list of all the issues you have — be specific — and then look at that list and append it with possible solutions.
And if that doesn’t work? There’s not much you can do but settle in for a challenging couple of years, knowing that there WILL be an end to the agony. Also, try not to beat yourself up too much about your attitude — though it’s important, and though it may be under your “control,” attitude adjustments are often difficult to make. They don’t happen overnight, and the first step is to do what you’ve already done: acknowledge that they need to happen. The next step is simply to practice, practice, practice.
A Bumpy Acquisition
My small engineering company (50 employees) has recently been acquired by a larger company. My position is in senior management and I am highly valued by my clients. We have a very low turnover and a pretty good work culture. The acquiring company initially told us it was business as usual; now they are treating us like a new toy. They have created an alignment steering committee, which is a sham process. We can’t contribute to decisions even though we are the ones affected. I feel like I’m on a slow-moving freight train heading for a crash. I am very stressed and unhappy, as well as overworked and now undervalued. How can I convince them that they need to build our trust and bring us along — or do I just start polishing my résumé?
— Anonymous
As someone who has never worked at a company that has been acquired by another, I decided to call on a friend, Laing, who has worked in corporate environments, big and small, and as a partner in a private equity firm that acquired promising companies in order to position them to best perform (and then sell). But perhaps most important, my friend has a master’s in organizational psychology, an expertise that she’s brought to bear with any number of other friends and family, not to mention employees.
I was curious as to how Laing would approach your situation as someone from the “other” side(s) of the corporate table.
It’s important to start spending more time with your new boss in order to understand what is most important to him or her and how he or she measures success, Laing told me. Then, take what you’ve learned, think deeply about it and come back to said boss to describe what you see as the gaps in opportunity and goals that you think are important. Not just for the company, but for you. (She quotes Stephen Covey, the author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”)
Laing wants to stress a few things: First, no one wants an acquisition to fail, so aligning your interests with those of your boss is of utmost importance. “Setting herself up as someone who can help the rest of the team understand and trust could give her a sense of control and make her valuable to the new organization,” Laing said. And, if you’re met with resistance, then it may be time to go. But it’s “absolutely worth trying.” After all, people make a lot of assumptions based on fear, assumptions that get in the way of communication and success. And Laing and I agree that, because it sounds like you care about the company, it’s worth the effort (and discomfort).
“If nothing else, she’ll sleep better knowing that she’s tried her hardest to make it work,” Laing said.
Gender Equality, Except in Sales
I’m in sales at a tech start-up known for its strong commitment to gender equality and diversity — except in sales. In sales, the team is entirely made up of 45- to 55-year-old white men, all dads.
I’m a child-free 37-year-old woman and the challenges are real: My ideas often go unheard until a male colleague repeats them and gains the credit. On cross-departmental calls, my deals face more scrutiny, with my male solutions engineer being consulted instead of our department head trusting my judgment. Recently, at a company dinner, one colleague called me “the mom of the sales team.”
Ironically, I took this role as a step back from management, and there’s no reason I should be treated as junior. Yet I hesitate to speak up, fearing being labeled a “problem.” How do you suggest navigating the tricky politics of a dual culture?
— Anonymous
If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard a woman in the work force mention that she’s not only undervalued and underestimated but also that her ideas are credited to others (usually men), I’d … well, you get the point.
With regards to the credit issue: My approach here is to counteract a male colleague (let’s call him Doug) and interject with something like, “Doug, I’m glad you agree with me.” Then reassert control and power by reiterating your idea(s) and owning it without apology in front of the group. And if your manager(s) gives credit to Doug without acknowledgment of your contribution? I think you are well within your rights to push back, in a firm but friendly way, and say something like “I just want to point out that the idea was mine, not Doug’s.”
I hate that I have to say “firm but friendly.” But I do. Because women are judged by a different set of standards, a set that involves not just effectiveness but attitude. And when it comes to earning respect, and self-advocacy, sometimes what others are going to “see” and understand has to come with a smile.
One last, but crucial, thing: I think you should consider approaching your direct manager with your concerns about being treated as junior and feeling discounted, and make it clear that you’re not asking for special consideration. It’s possible — very likely, in fact — that your department head (who I’m going to assume is male) hasn’t noticed a thing. And you might want to remind him that a big part of the reason you love your job is because of the company’s commitment to gender equality and diversity. You want the sales department to put its money where the company’s mouth is. (Well, don’t say that. But you get what I mean.)
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