Last time I checked on season 2 of Our Flag Means Death, Stede Bonnet (Rhys Darby) and Blackbeard (Taika Waititi) were rekindling their love. But, per the SAG-AFTRA strike rules, Darby, Con O’ Neill (Blackbeard’s first mate Izzy), Vico Ortiz (Jim Jimenez), Nathan Foad (Stede’s scribe, Lucius Sprigg), Kristian Nairn (Wee John Feeney), and Matthew Maher (the sassy Black Pete) couldn’t chatter about the quarrels faced by their lovable band of pirates at New York Comic Con 2023.
So like good drinking buddies or kids at a slumber party, the Our Flag cast spent their conversational NYCC panel answering the moderator’s questions about their lives with a whiteboard, marker, and banter. Who do you think you’re the funniest person in the room? Who is most likely to order dessert first? (The absent Samba gets mentioned in plentitudes) Most likely to go on an adventure with aliens? (Darby has seen a UFO) Their answers were fun, heartwarming, and occasionally in reference to the absent Taika Waititi.
But some were self-absorptive (in a relatable way!). In response to “Who’s likely to make a new friend anywhere they go?”, Foad wrote on his whiteboard, “Me, Not to Be a Bitch.” He boasted, “Well, let’s just call a spade a spade. I mean, I’m a nice boy.” To which Maher suggested, “Not to Be a Bitch is going to be the title of your memoir.” (Foad got to playfully jab back later. When asked which member of the cast would most likely survive a zombie apocalypse, Foad said, “Matt because — and I say this with love — you’d be great at weaseling your way through.”)
The cast fell into an absolute gold mine over the question “Who is most likely to take a selfie with Bigfoot?” Darby flexed his comedic chops to dream up a strategy on how he would court a selfie with Bigfoot.
“You need to be naturally trained… in order to get a selfie with one of these giant creatures, gigantopicticus. One must live in their environment for up to six months and then progress slowly to get them to feel safe with you…. Personally, I can do it because I have an affiliation with the Silverbacks in Uganda… These creatures are like humans, but they’re more innocent. And war is not a thing for me. I think I would slowly reveal a camera but making sure it’s not something that’s an issue. Camouflage it… I just don’t want it to be worrying for the Sasquatch and their young ones… I’m just happy to take photographic evidence and walk away.”
This was followed by Nairn’s whiteboard confession: “I Am Bigfoot.” He mused, “I’m coming out again.”
Alluding to the SAG-AFTRA announcement that the AMPTP (without saying that name aloud) failed to give them a proper deal, Darby also didn’t mince his feelings about the conditions that are perpetuating the strikes and hamstringing their ability to talk about the show. “The talent in this room!” He extolled. “I guess one day if we get a better deal. If they get their shit together… maybe we can get some people together and talk about it.”
In other important news, the fans learned that Ortiz is a dragon lover, thanks to the question “Who is most likely to tame a dragon?”. Their dragon would be “a mixture of what Toothless is… wise, calm, because I need something to balance me. I talk a lot about how I like dragons. It’s one of my hyper-fixations.” Somebody cast Ortiz in a dragon movie!
Speaking of fantasy, Darby said, “I already live in a fantasy world in my head most of the time… The real world is shit right now, so all of these people here love fantasy worlds. That’s why we’re here. And it’s healthy and it’s fun and we can all be the same and use kindness. And one day, the real world will be there, and let’s hope it happens in our lifetime.” Darby proceeded to walk to the DJ’s counter, put on the sunglasses, and drop some beats.
Thanks, Darby. *puts on safari hat.* Now, excuse me, I’m going to take a selfie with Bigfoot.
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