First son Hunter Biden has been told to “continue or actively seek employment” as his legal team tries to resurrect a plea deal that spectacularly imploded in federal court earlier this week â but what occupation best suits the ne’er-do-well former influence-peddler and occasional artist?
A member of the District of Columbia and Connecticut Bars, the presidentâs son has written a memoir that did not sell well and has retired to Malibu, Calif. while raking in at least $1.3 million from friends and Democratic donors for his paintings.
Federal prosecutors told Delaware US District Judge Maryellen Noreika on Wednesday that Hunter âremained in California and spent much of 2019 painting and developing plans for his memoir,â but nevertheless failed to pay his taxes in the preceding three years during his descent into crack addiction.
In 2021, the 53-year-oldâs âsugar brotherâ Kevin Morris paid off millions of dollars in tax liabilities Hunter incurred between 2016 and 2019. The missed payments stemmed from $8.3 million in income from his lucrative foreign business ventures, but he has since seen those funds dry up.
Now, the married father of five children by three different mothers could enter the workforce in a new capacity, and The Post has taken the liberty of whipping up a dossier for potential employers.
- Name: Robert Hunter Biden
- Primary Residence: guest residence at presidentâs Wilmington, Del., mansion; house in Venice Beach; swanky rental in Malibu.; North Shores Biden family home at Rehoboth Beach; the White House; wherever else dad is.
- Education: Bachelor of Arts from Georgetown University in 1992; Juris Doctor from Yale Law School in 1996.
- Burisma Holdings Ltd., 2014-2019, Board member despite no energy industry background.
- US Naval Reserve, 2013-2014, Served as an officer in public affairs; discharged for failing a drug test.
- Bohai Harvest RST Equity Investment Fund Management Co., Ltd, 2013-2019, Founder and board member of private equity fund linked to the Chinese Communist Party.
- Boies, Schiller & Flexner LLP, 2009-2014, Counsel at multi-national law firm.
- Eudora Global, 2009-2012, Board member of venture capital firm.
- Rosemont Seneca Partners, LLC, 2009-2019, Co-founder of $2.4 billion private investment company with convicted tribal bond fraudster Devon Archer and Chris Heinz, stepson of US special presidential envoy for climate John Kerry.
- Owasco PC, 2006-2019, Executing officer of “shell” law firm that transferred payments from abroad to Biden family members.
- Amtrak, 2006-2009, Board member and vice chair of fatherâs favorite transportation company; appointed to a five-year term by former President George W. Bush.
- US Department of Commerce, 1998-2001 Executive director of E-Commerce policy under Secretary William Daley; appointed by former President Bill Clinton.
- Georgetown University Masters Program in the School of Foreign Service, Adjunct professor, still listed (What, like it’s hard?).
OnlyFans star: The five-year investigation into Hunter Biden launched in November 2018 with a look into a âforeign-based amateur online pornography platform,â according to IRS whistleblower Gary Shapley.
Hunter has already uploaded videos to adult platforms like Pornhub and could capitalize on his high national profile by becoming a OnlyFans content creator.
Top models showing skin on the video subscription service earn far more than lawyers and as much as 270 times the average worker, a UK-based gaming software website found in 2021.
Hunter also isn’t exactly, um, camera shy.
The first son, a former US Navy reserve officer, has been photographed poolside with a bevy of women on the West Coast in the past, DailyMail.com reported. He may want to take his talents to the iconic boardwalks and sandy beaches of Rehoboth.
His military background would serve him well during the physical pre-employment test â and he wouldnât have to worry about any pesky drug screenings once his probationary period ends.
Laptop Repairman: Delaware laptop repair shop owner John Paul Mac Isaac, who is legally blind, made history when he discovered Hunter Biden had left behind potentially incriminating evidence on his âlaptop from hellâ in 2019.
The Mac Shop owner turned over the pornographic material to the FBI the same year, but has since been sued by Hunterâs attorneys for doing so.
Though he never returned to pick up the laptop, Hunter still has a chance to make things right by helping others fix their computer issues. If his emails are any indication, the first son is a real keyboard jockey â not to mention an international entrepreneur.
Jeniâs Ice Cream Franchisee: Speaking of being an entrepreneur, Hunterâs dad would probably like nothing better than for his son to join the family business â and hawk Jeniâs Splendid Ice Cream.
The president has spoken often of their products during his time in office, introducing himself at a White House womenâs business summit in March as someone who likes to âeat Jeniâs Ice Cream, chocolate chip.â
Though the ice cream company does not have franchise locations, Hunter would certainly make his dad âvery proudâ by groping in a freezer for Jeniâs mounds of creamy perfection, ideally at a location near the White House.
Senior In-Home Caregiver: Hunterâs father is 80. He once said he would be âdead and gone in all probabilityâ by 2020. If they want a shot at the White House, Democrats will need to prevent that from happening for at least another year and a half, polls show.
The White House would be a great venue to start as an in-home caregiver for seniors, and the Bidens have already set up Hunter’s daughter Naomi with a plum suite after her wedding on the South Lawn last year.
Best of all, after his dad leaves office, thereâd be plenty of opportunity for Hunter to continue his work in Congress, where the average age is a relatively sprightly (but still senior-adjacent) 59.