A woman has been backed for her anger over her ex-husband spending time in her house unannounced.
In a post on the London-based discussion site Mumsnet, user PopGoesTheProsecco shared her frustration and asked if she was being unreasonable.
In the post, she said: “[I] had a lovely weekend at DP’s daughter’s house with her partner and kids—it was amazing. In the meantime, the kids were with their dad (who was quite vile and left for the other woman) who has them every other week. He took the two youngest girls to my daughter’s football match this morning.”
But when the football match was over, her ex-husband had gone back to her home with the children without consultation, and spent an hour there with the kids.
“He washed my daughter’s coat in the kitchen sink and left it sopping wet on a radiator with bowls and tea towels underneath it to catch the drips,” said the irritated mom. “The wall now has water marks on it and I’ll need to repaint.”
Following this, he took the girls out to lunch and again brought them back to her house—something which she felt was unfair.
“I’m so upset, and fuming he has been in my safe place when I’m not here,” she said. “He was quite abusive as a husband and I feel my safe space has been breached.”
Evan Schein, partner and head of litigation at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein law firm in New York City, told Newsweek: “In any co-parenting post-divorce relationship, establishing boundaries are important. Respecting those boundaries is even more important.
“It is absolutely understandable that there are concerns about an ex-spouse going unannounced and without permission into a former spouse’s home. This is especially true when there has been abuse during the marriage. There is a long list of concerns with what transpired here beginning with safety and privacy concerns.”
In a series of replies on Mumsnet, users seemed to agree that the ex-husband’s behavior was unacceptable.
“Send him the bill for the paintwork. Tell him he is not welcome in your home,” said one commenter. While another wrote: “Why didn’t he take them to his house? I would of hated that. You have a right to be mad.”
This isn’t the first time that arguments over co-parenting have gained viral attention. One dad was cheered earlier this year for refusing to follow his ex-wife’s “rules” when looking after their child. Meanwhile, another co-parent was dragged for his plan to camp on his ex’s driveway for three weeks to help with parenting.
“That’s a massive invasion of privacy, I would be furious if I were you,” said another Mumsnet user on the post.
“Co-parenting after separation is like a dance,” said Schein. “The more in sync the parents are, the smoother co-parenting will be. The more difficulties that arise, parents will unfortunately find themselves stepping on each other’s toes.”
Schein explained that successful co-parenting takes a lot of work, and it is inevitable that missteps will occur—but how these are dealt with are key.
“Issues can include big issues such as unexpected changes to parenting schedules and children’s routines and working together to make decisions on issues such as education, medical, and extracurricular activities. Other difficulties that may arise could include navigating holiday schedules and vacation plans, the introduction of significant others to children, and exchanging of important documentation such as passports,” he explained.
However co-parenting dilemmas are dealt with, it is important that children come first. Gemma Harris, a clinical psychologist who talks about relationships on Instagram as @theexdoctor, previously told Newsweek: “Co-parent conflict is stressful on children, and likely to be distressing.
“If you do have serious concerns about the differences in parenting or co-parenting decisions, these negotiations are best taking place outside of the child’s awareness wherever possible.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.
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