Towels are to the beach what bedding is to your bedroom. Sure, you can ultimately rest your sweet cheeks on whatever you get your hands on and call it a day. But wouldn’t you rather a towel with some personality? A quality weave? A quick-drying, microfiber material that can hold nine times the lake water of that terry cloth Costco towel you’ve had since 10th grade? Put it out of its misery, mate.
The best beach towels should look just as good hanging on our bathroom hook, avoiding laundry day, as they will swaddling your charcuterie booty, sitting poolside with a can of White Claw. The only major points for you to understand are 1) size, 2) material, and 3) how which patterns can take your chip-stained fingers; find a vintage 90s beach towel that could live in a Florida nursing home, or a handwoven Turkish towel that could double as a living room throw. Whatever you’re looking for, make sure it clocks you as the main character of the aquatic warm weather function.
Here’s a cheat-sheet to some of the best beach towels to throw your clams at this spring and summer, including spicy Stüssy towels, Playboy jawn, and the best beach towels from Brooklinen.
Home on the range
Look closely, and you’ll notice a family of smiley faces nestled among the classic bandana pattern of this terry cloth and cotton blend beach towel, which actually fell off the neck of Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Instant ambiance
Is that steam coming off your towel? Or Sex Wax?
The streetwear pick
There are even streetwear candles now, mate—and they’re pretty rad—so of course Stüssy makes a terry cloth beach towel that says, “I’ll see you at the races.”
Groove is in the heart
Wavy-gravy, dude. The marbled towel is perfect for channeling your inner 1970s himbo and/or Deee-Lite self.
Beach bunnies only
One of the life’s greatest pleasures? Reclining on a neon green Pleasures x Playboy beach towel while you vape, listening the story of how your best friend’s partner broke their ankle last night by hopping the fence to get into the club. Not all heros wear capes.
Ripple in still water
Come on in! The bong water’s fine. Also, you could spill salsa on this Deadhead jawn, and no one would be the wiser with the chorus line of bears. Remember: the best beach towels should be worthy of lining your coffin.
You just want a thin, quick-drying towel
It sucks to lug a heavy towel to the beach when the rest of your wares (sunscreen, a cover-up) are lightweight—so just go for a microfiber towel, which can absorb nine to seven times (oddly specific, but OK) much water as a cotton or terry cloth towel, according to the makers, and dry faster too.
Brooklinen makes beach towels, too
It turns out that Brooklinen, one of the internet’s best cult-fave bedding companies, also makes a wicked soft beach towel with a Matisse-worthy motif. Bag it while it’s 15% off.
Ska bois needs beach days, too
Because every friend who arrives at the beach will know how to find you if you’re sitting on a pink and green checkerboard. Just don’t stare at it for too long under the sun?
You appreciate the classics
… Nothing wrong with that. This is the kind of towel that could’ve hosted many a Coppertone bum on set for The Endless Summer.
Casually toss this on an olive tree in Malta
Turkish towels are magical because they’re super thin, but made of extra-long fibers that feel softer on your skin than terry cloth, and they actually get softer with each wash. This handwoven model is designed by a generations-old Turkish textile company, and will look great wherever it lands, from the couch to the post-beach patio.
Rainbow connection
This Turkish cotton beach towel is a bestseller on Amazon, because it brings an extra dose serotonin to the beach with its technicolor pattern and tassels.
For the 90s babes
In a perfect world, Shannyn Sossamon presents you not only with this towel, but matching BFF mood rings.
You’re into psychedelic therapy
Can’t explain it, but you’re the wise one in the group—the one who brings the tarot cards to the beach. This cotton snake towel from iconic home decor designer Jonathan Adler shows not only that BB&B is ready to sweep us off our keisters this spring, but at 70 inches long and 40 inches wide, it can fit you and one to two hunnies.
A magic carpet to Flavortown
Who brings the XXL UTZ Red Hot chips to the beach, and licks their fingers clean in a pair of fresh Oakleys while watching the sets? You do. Think about how good it will look next to your Iron Maiden-themed Igloo cooler full of brewskies.
You still use traveler’s checks
Your nails are painted red. Your chest hair is curly. Whoever you are, your first words in the morning (meaning: 12 PM) are something like, “Be a dear, and go to the corner store to get Mommy a fresh pack and a mango?” For you, the best beach towel hasn’t changed a bit since 1991.
Next up for the spring: Killing all the mosquitos, with all the tricks.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
The post The Best Beach Towels for Being the Hottest Chalupa at the Pool This Spring appeared first on VICE.
