A woman has received support online after sharing that her partner of more than one year had hidden a history of financial strife from her.
The woman, who has shared that she is still very much in love with and intent on staying with her partner, has publicly expressed her hurt at the betrayal.
“A little more than a year and a half ago, I met my boyfriend and it was a beautiful love story up until last week,” the woman wrote on Reddit.
“He has a heart of gold. He is incredibly supportive and loving towards me and my child. He is trustworthy, loves his family and he is the guy that I go to for advice. We barely fight and our communication is excellent. My child is also very attached to him. We have started talking about moving in together. He [told me] that he wanted to move in with me and that he wanted to marry me,” she added.
The woman then revealed that she recently discovered that her boyfriend is completely broke, and that he had been dishonest about his financial status throughout their relationship.
“Last week he came to me with this information: I have no money, I have zero savings, I live paycheck to paycheck, I cannot give you what you want, the house, the ring, the wedding and I possibly need to declare bankruptcy because I have at least six figure credit card debts, and my credit score is so bad. I am ready for you to kick me out of your life because I lied to you all this time,” the woman recounted.
Shocked and hurt by her boyfriend’s lies, the woman’s first reaction was to try and assess the situation and understand how she could help her boyfriend out of his financial crisis.
While she chose to follow her heart, the woman remains riddled with worry: “I know this is the right thing to do, but I feel so betrayed and shocked and bitter and honestly so scared for my financial future and for the wellbeing of my child.”
How Can You Restore Trust in a Relationship?
While finding out that your partner has hidden financial troubles from you for years is an unlikely dilemma to come across in a relationship, other incidents can happen that can lead to people losing faith in their significant other.
Justin Gasparovic is a personal development expert with a degree in behavioral psychology from Purdue University and he says that trust can be restored in broken relationships—but only if all parties are willing to put in the required work.
“Any healthy relationship must have trust as a foundational element,” Gasparovic told Newsweek.
“Rebuilding trust once it has been damaged can be difficult. This might be particularly true if a significant falsehood caused the trust to be broken. Let me give you an illustration of the value of trust in a relationship. After 10 years of marriage, Sarah, for example, learned that her partner Tom had lied to her about a substantial financial investment he had made without her knowledge. Sarah was angry, hurt and betrayed. She also couldn’t believe Tom had been lying to her for so long. Tom apologized and made an effort to justify why he had kept the investment a secret. After this episode, Sarah finds it difficult to trust Tom, and their relationship weakens as a result,” he added.
The personal development coach does, however, feel that trust can be rebuilt following a significant lie.
“The following actions are helpful,” Gasparovic said.
“Acknowledge the falsehood. That’s the first step in restoring confidence after a significant lie. It’s critical to accept responsibility, hold yourself accountable for your actions and own up to what you did. Trying to downplay or deny the falsehood will simply make matters worse,” he added.
Going forward, the coach champions being sincere with your partner.
“It’s crucial to commit to being honest and going ahead after admitting the falsehood. This entails being open and honest about your actions and ideas, especially when it’s challenging,” he said.
The couple should then work to establish consistent patterns of behavior in their relationship. After all, promises alone are empty if neither party is attempting to work toward a healthier outcome.
“Deeds speak louder than words. Your partner will be able to see that you are committed to regaining their trust if you act consistently throughout time. You also need to be patient with your partner as rebuilding trust takes time,” Gasparovic told Newsweek.
By the coach’s logic, the boyfriend in the dilemma chronicled on Reddit should be patient with his girlfriend and he should continue to reassure her even if she brings his betrayal up multiple times until her trust is fully restored and the issue gets put to bed once and for all.
Lyndsey Murray, certified sex therapist, agrees with Gasparovic. Murray told Newsweek that being able to reestablish trust after a big lie rests on a combination of true remorse, accountability, changed behavior and time.
“When someone has committed a big lie, they have to show their partner that they understand the hurt this has caused, be willing to explore and explain what was going on for them at the time, and show through changed action that they are putting measures in place to ensure this won’t happen again,” she said.
Relationship expert Sofia Sundari seconds Murray and Gasparovic. She told Newsweek that what really lies at the heart of reestablishing trust is complete honesty, accountability and a heartfelt desire to work through the lie.
“I also recommend getting support through a relationship therapist,” Sundari added, as a healthier way to work through complications together.
Since it was shared to the social media platform on Tuesday by @LAPL, the Mumsnet post, which can be seen here, has been commented on over 460 times, with the majority of users choosing to criticize the woman for staying with her partner.
“I wouldn’t give him another moment of my time,” one user wrote.
Another user added: “He will drag you down with him.”
“I would not want to be financially tied to someone capable of running up that sort of debt,” a different user commented.
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
The post Outrage as Man Hides Possible ‘Bankruptcy’ From Girlfriend for 18 Months appeared first on Newsweek.
