A wealthy man refusing to pay for his niece’s singing lessons is being supported by Reddit users.
Posting to the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit, user u/No_Hat5534 said that he is a 48-year-old married man and is child-free by choice. He and his wife both have well-paying jobs, with the poster running a manufacturing plant he inherited from his father.
He also has a younger sister, who he claims “hasn’t made the best choices in life” and struggles financially. She has been divorced twice and has two children, who the poster doesn’t know very well.
“She makes an okay living but she’s the breadwinner,” he wrote.
“Her bf that she lives with spends most of his time stoned and playing Xbox. He’s always ‘looking for a new job’ or blaming ‘the capitalist system’ for him not having a job.”
No_Hat5534 explained that his sister could have had a stake in the family business, but declined the offer, and was fine with her brother inheriting the factory and all it entails. Nevertheless, she had made comments over the years about her brother’s wealth.
Her 10-year-old daughter has dreams of becoming a singer, and although No_Hat5534 is no musical expert, he believes the girl has talent.
“My sister has wanted to enroll her in lessons with a private coach but cannot afford it,” he continued.
“She has asked me to help her out since she is embarrassed to ask our parents. She also does not speak to the father of her daughter.”
As the No_Hat5534 does not trust his sister’s judgment, he said no to covering his niece’s singing lessons. In response, his sister remarked about his expensive hobby—buying and restoring classic cars.
“Just another ‘must be nice’ comment I’m all too sick of hearing,” he wrote.
“I said ‘Maybe if your boyfriend can put down the dope for all of 10 minutes he can help you out’ and ‘I have 5 cars, I’ll buy another 5 before I give you a dime.’
“I said her daughter isn’t my responsibility. She’s got a mother and a father and if they can’t figure it out it doesn’t fall on my shoulders.”
After the confrontation, his sister called No_Hat5534’s wife. His wife now wants to pay for the niece’s lessons, but he doesn’t want to.
“Sure, we can afford it but I’m not my sisters welfare,” he said.
“I don’t see my sister or her kids much at all. I don’t really know her kids too well. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts but I’m not close with them.”
Although his story split opinions, the majority of users voted No_Hat5534 “NTA” (not the a******), with the post receiving over 8,000 upvotes and more than 2,000 comments.
Should You Ever Lend Money to Family Members?
According to Ameriprise’s 2017 Financial Family Wealth Checkup study, 15 percent of American siblings argue about money. The survey of 2,700 U.S. adults found that the most common quarrels were over inheritance, financially supporting aging parents, and parents giving money to one child more than another.
Herman Thompson Jr., a certified financial planner at Innovative Financial Group, said mixing family with finances is always risky.
“Money and emotions are very closely tied together,” he told Newsweek.
“I often tell my clients, ‘when it comes to family and money, there is no such thing as a loan. If you give money to a family member, consider it a gift.’”
It’s understandable that people want to help loved ones in need, but Thompson said to consider whether it will impact the relationship positively or negatively—along with how it will affect your own financial stability.
“If you can’t afford to lose the money, then you can’t afford to give it to someone else,” he said.
“If your family member gets emotional because you turn down the request, remember that they are the one who made it weird in the first place.”
‘Major Entitled Vibes’
Many Redditors were appalled by the sister’s attitude, with Half-God-Half-Demon claiming “There’s no winning” for the poster.
“If he give the sister money for the niece then the sister will likely keep asking for money knowing he’ll give in because it’s ‘for the kids,’” she commented.
“I wouldn’t trust that my money would actually go to the niece,” said Valuable_Stranger642.
“The sister’s boyfriend is liable to use the money for more drugs,” agreed Wild_Score711.
“It seems that she feels entitled to a lifestyle she’s not ready to work for, and she expects those who work hard to subsidise her,” wrote ValhallaSpeaking.
“Harsh comment there, but NTA,” said The_Spade_Joker.
“It’s your money, you worked for it, and unless you want to use it to help your niece or anyone of your family, you have every right to use it as you please.”
However, some users doubted the poster’s version of events, with Yassssssquatch writing: “OP gives off major entitled vibes.”
“Yeah the ‘already smarter than their mom’ comment is absolutely dripping with contempt for his sister,” agreed pacanorchard.
“You do realize that you are speaking from a place of extreme privilege, and when you make comments like that you look like a petty cruel AH, right?” asked Snarkisms.
“Why couldn’t you support, and invest, in a beautiful niece who has talent?” wondered Flintejae.
“Pay the business directly. Give her an opportunity to help her be nothing like her mom.”
While Larkspursong commented: “For someone who admits he doesn’t see his sister’s family much, OP seems to ‘know’ a suspicious amount of information.
“I would not be surprised if there were a lot more going on here than OP lets on.”
Newsweek reached out to u/No_Hat5534 for comment. We couldn’t verify the details of the case.
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