A mother on Mumsnet has asked users on the platform if she is being unreasonable for letting her eight-year-old daughter spend part of her Christmas money on toys and craft supplies.
The user TheMoneyHasGone explained that her daughter is eight years old and received £250 for Christmas as well as lots of gifts. “The expectation from some of my family and ExHs (ex-husband) is that it gets saved, so I’ve put £200 into her junior [savings account]. But personally, I think she should also have some spending money so I put £50 onto her [prepaid children’s] card.”
The mother said the daughter spent £30 on dolls and Baby Annabell clothes, £15 on books, pens, and “crafty stuff” and has “asked to spend the last £5 at the [candy] shop when it reopens later this week.”
Mumsnet users overwhelmingly voted that the mother was not being unreasonable.
Difference of Opinion
However, her ex-husband is not happy about the arrangement. “He says I should take the toys back and get the £30 and make her spend it on clothes or a new pair of shoes—his parents always made him replace his clothes or shoes with his own money once he started getting it, never letting him buy toys or video games,” wrote the user.
She added that her daughter has all the clothes she needs, and wears splints due to a foot problem caused by mild cerebral palsy and therefore “restricted to wide shoes which I think personally are mine and ExHs responsibility to buy.” The mother believes that her daughter should be able to spend her money on things she would like since the majority of it has been saved.
Ask The Experts
Newsweek spoke to Ruth E. Freeman, the founder and president of parenting hub Peace At Home Parenting Solutions.
“Parents often overlook the importance of teaching children financial literacy and this mom is doing a great job. She helped her child save the majority of the money she received for the holiday. Allowing her daughter to spend some of the money as she pleases is part of teaching kids to handle their finances,” Freeman said.
The expert suggested, “One additional step that mom can take is to reflect a few weeks later with her daughter about each choice. ‘So what do you think about the doll, did that turn out to be a good idea? And how are you feeling about…’ The mom can ask her which purchases turned out as she expected and which ones would she have done differently.”
Freeman added that it appeared that the child had thought carefully about her choices and had had a conversation with her mom about why she made specific purchases.
“If the mom can refrain from expressing her own opinions and listen with care to her daughter, she’ll strengthen her child’s ability to think well about spending money. Parents can teach by talking out loud with their kids about their own spending decisions and what they liked and what they would change. Kids who have the opportunity to spend some money on their own benefit from the opportunity to learn by experience.
“Another approach that will help with financial literacy is to plan an allowance with her daughter that includes responsibilities like paying for birthday party gifts or other regular expenses. This mom has great instincts as illustrated by her daughter’s relationship with the public library and tracking specific authors. The mom should trust her instincts in guiding her daughter. It’s ideal if she and dad can get on the same page and they might benefit from taking a parenting class or reading a book about teaching financial literacy. If they can’t agree, one parent applying positive approaches can make a big difference,” Freeman said.
What Did Mumsnet Users Say?
Some users commented on the mental state of the mom’s ex-husband and his family with user Harliegh saying, “Your DH sounds very damaged, don’t let him rub his damage off onto your DD. You’ve done the right thing”.
User Neverhot said that they would be letting the daughter spend more: “poor thing only 8 years old and most of her money being put into savings. Just seems so joyless.”
Another user praised the eight-year-old, stating: “I think she did well with her £50. She thought about what she wanted and only bought that. Didn’t spend it on just anything and still had some change. Think she’s clued up on budgeting enough for an 8-year-old!”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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