Dear Newsweek, My son and his wife recently had a new baby girl, who is now one month old. They kept the name secret until the baby was born, which was fine. However, when I learned of the name, I was speechless.
They named the baby “Cruella”, probably after the villain from 101 Dalmatians movie. Since the name basically means evil, cruel, or devil, I thought it was very inappropriate. I went on a baby name forum and asked for advice. I received about 20 replies saying it was a cruel joke to give a child this name and should not be chosen. The new parents are very fond of this name and don’t seem to care.
The new parents do know that I have issues with the name. My wife and sister also have the same issue. We don’t want to tell our friends the real name and tell them the baby’s name is “Ella.” We are embarrassed to tell them the real name. The new parents are still very fond of the name and said they don’t want us to call the baby Ella.
They say that almost everyone else they talk to likes the name. Like nurses, friends, and co-workers. Could there be a generation divide between baby boomers vs Gen-X or maybe I am overreacting, but if it was a boy it would almost be like naming the baby Dracula or something similar?
Bob, New Jersey
Being A Positive Influence On Your Grandchild Is More Important
Ruth E. Freeman, founder and president at Peace at Home Parenting Solutions.
One of the biggest challenges of being grandparents is accepting our adult children’s choices, even when we believe they may negatively impact our grandchildren. You might want to start by asking your son what he loves about this name and why he chose it. When we are in disagreement with others, the best place to start is trying to understand things from the other’s point of view.
After taking time to carefully understand this choice from his son’s point of view, you could use an “I” statement—maybe something like: “I am concerned about how other people, especially other kids, might treat a girl named after a famous fictional female villain.”
Beyond that, if you want a loving relationship with your son and grandchild, you will have to step back and learn some acceptance. You might choose to use a nickname but in the big picture, the important thing is to show this child complete acceptance and take delight in her. That’s what grandparents do best and what this child, like all children, really deserves.
An important part of serenity is accepting things we can’t change and that is the biggest challenge here. The best way to protect your granddaughter is to have a positive relationship with both her and her parents.
Grandparents Cannot Name Their Grandchildren, It Would Be Wise To Say Nothing
Pennsylvanian Dr. Darren Aboyoun is a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience.
When grandparents are present, children have fewer emotional problems and are less likely to behave negatively. You can have a very positive impact on his granddaughter’s life and will be better all around if you focus on what you can influence and let go of what you can’t. Grandparents can be in a very difficult position when they feel that their children are going to be giving a grandchild a name that won’t serve them well. Is it reasonable for grandparents to question their adult children’s name choice? Or are they not aware of the perspectives and experiences of the parents-to-be?
It’s probably wise to say nothing unless you’re seriously concerned that the name will make the grandchild’s life harder. Will it really? Or, is it just something that will need to be considered along with so many other things? If you really are concerned, come with a sincere curiosity first to make sure you understand why your children are focused on this name. Perhaps it has real meaning to them you don’t know. How did they pick this name? What about it do they love? What does it make them think of? What are they hoping you’ll call the baby? What might the baby call you as it grows up? Before sharing any concerns about the name, share in their excitement about the positives. In doing so, you might find that there’s not really cause for concern. And if there is, make sure to communicate that you see the positives even as you share your concerns.
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