The pregnant woman is due to discover the child’s sex at the scan but has yet to inform her ex, after he told her he “wasn’t sure” if he wanted any involvement.
The Annie E. Casey Foundation estimates nearly 24 million children in the U.S. currently live in single-parent families with around 15 million living in mother-only households.
That’s the scenario facing this particular expectant mom after her ex effectively walked away. According to a Mumsnet post written by the woman under the handle tess3023, he was “initially excited about the pregnancy” but quickly changed his mind after attending a 12-week scan with her.
He then began to “pressure” her into getting an abortion, telling her “the pregnancy was a mistake.” She said it had been “weeks” since she had heard from him, but she was not planning on making any efforts to keep him in the loop.
“He knows how to contact me and where I live of course,” she said. “I haven’t made any effort to contact him either though as I think I should be from him.”
Even so, she admitted to feeling “guilty” about not notifying him she was having the scan.
Despite these doubts, the decision earned her the backing of those following the post on social media.
“It’s a lovely moment for you. I wouldn’t spoil it,” PicaK said. “He’s not there for you right now as emotional support. Which means he’s not there for the baby either.” Lunar1 agreed, writing: “You don’t need a man trying to pressure you into an abortion involved in any part of your pregnancy.”
Elsewhere, Iloveorange offered up an alternative solution. “Take someone who loves you to that appointment,” they said. “If he decides he wants to get involved after all, he should be the one to get in touch.”
Maray1967, meanwhile, suggested more of a hardline stance. “He deserves no consideration from you at all,” they wrote. “I would say and do nothing until baby is born and then claim child support.”
While Mumsnet users appeared in favor of the woman turning her back on the errant ex, the expert advice on the topic differs slightly.
Clinical therapist Amy Audet told Newsweek that while contact should be avoided in circumstances where the relationship is “unhealthy, unsafe or would put significant stress on the mother,” if that’s not the case, it’s important to keep fathers in the loop.
“Big information should be conveyed such as the due date and if possible, information should be gathered from the father regarding family medical history,” she said. “Ultrasounds are part of a woman’s medical experience and often personal information about health and pregnancy complications are discussed.”
She also felt it was important to keep an open mind and understand that these types of situations can change quickly, so it’s better to keep the lines of communication open.
“It is important to remember that ideas and opinions are not static but are always evolving based on new insights and information. There is the potential for the father to change his mind and his thinking about entering parenthood,” she said. “Open communication may allow for this shift, which in many cases, is of benefit to the child.”
Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.
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