This Fourth of July, we will not only be lining our mouths with sauerkraut, hot dogs, and pop rocks, but ordering a bidet just in time for the aftermath from one of the maaaaany e-tailer promos going down for… Paul Revere? We love this brand of patriotism.
The summertime and July 4 sales we’re actually going to shop this year are a mixed bag. There are deals coming in on patio sets, Le Creuset, and furniture from Wayfair and other Adult Stuff retailers that you’ll cherish now, demand in the divorce settlement later; sales and discounts from boutique brands in beauty, fitness, and ballsack grooming; and there will be affordable gaming chairs to coddle our spines, couches to kiss our behinds, and some shiny bicycles by Solé that are so beautiful, they’re almost lickable.
Just don’t leave the macaroni salad in the sun this year, okay Randy?
Amazon: Expect the massive retailer to be slinging sales on everything from outdoor gear to electronics and beyond.
ASOS, as always, is filled with sales. Get 70% off at the Men’s Outlet Sale, 80% off in the Women’s Sale section, and a promotion of 25% off with the code DOLLAR when you spend +$100.
Avocado is having a sale on its cult-fave mattresses for July 4, and you can save $100 on its Green, Vegan, and Latex mattresses with the code USA.
Backcountry will be offering up to 50% off select gear, apparel, and accessories for summer. Start planning that camping trip, and don’t forget the special shovel.
BAKBLADE is here for us hairy folk, and makes painless grooming kits for managing big-time back hair and body fuzz that will be on sale for a limited time.
Bidet-curious? Bio Bidet is having July 4 promos with savings up to 25% off so you can transform your bathroom into a spa-worthy experience.
Brooklinen will be offering 15% off on a selection of sitewide items for its Summer Savings Event from June 29 to July 6, so you can finally curl up in its best-selling Luxe Sheets yourself.
Burton is offering up to 60% off, so if you’ve been thinking about hitting the fresh pow-pow even in the summer, stock up on their awesome snowboarding gear now (although they also make plenty of outdoorsy clothes and goods for camping and other warm-weather outside times).
Casper is offering savings of up to $600 off its cult-fave mastresses (so you can stop being a grown man who sleeps on the floor, Chad), and up to 50% off everything else, including fan-favorite products like The Adjustable Bases, Weighted Blanket, Dog Bed, Glow Light, and more.
Ella Paradis, one of our all-time fave online sex toy shops, is celebrating July 4th with up to 85% off sitewide with the code BOOM at checkout.
Fly By Jing’s birthday sale coincides with Independence Day, and is offering discounts of up to 25% off best-sellers such as the mouthwatering Sichuan Chili Crisp) until July 4.
Ergoal makes office chairs with great lumbar support, because, yes, it is time for you to replace that jalopy of a gaming chair. It’s your spine, jabroni!
Girlfriend Collective is having a sitewide sale until July 4 wit hdeals of 20% full priced items and up to 60% off sale items.
Hydrow is having a sale on its luxurious workout apparatus so that you, too, can imagine you’re rowing across the Delaware by saving $300 off its cult-fave rowing machine.
JCPenney is offering an extra 25% off with the code 4THJULY until July 7, so if you’ve ever wanted to push the limits of air frying, now is the time.
You can save up to 60% off sex toys, lingerie, and more at the Lovehoney July 4 savings event. (Make sure you don’t miss the Top Picks page.)
Mango’s summer sale is in full swing with savings of up to 50% off sitewide, including the home section, which is looking very minimalist and chic these days.
Nordstrom’s big Anniversary Sale begins June 29, and will offer big (as in, Black Friday-big) discounts sitewide.
Paravel is a sustainable, luxury luggage company that does cool collaborations with the likes of Marie Kondo, and it’s offering complimentary embroidery on the signature Cabana Tote until July 8.
REI is going make us everyone’s campsite crush this summer thanks to all the deals, deals, deals in its sale section, where anyone can save up to 40% off and members can save up to 50% off from now until July 4.
Sephora has some sick deals right now on brands such as Fenty, Urban Decay, Clinique, and others in the sale section.
Solé Bicycles is slinging deals on a selection of its chef’s kiss beautiful bikes, so you can wheel off into the sunset.
Urban Outfitters is offering 25% off men’s and women’s graphic shirts for a limited time, and even more discounts on everything from home goods to apparel in the sale section.
Velvet is a sexual wellness company that specializes in thrusting vibrators, which are basically dildos that go the extra mile by thrusting as well as vibrating. Save 20% off from July 1 to July 8 with the code SPARKLER20 to blast off with best-sellers such as the Nancy G-Spot Thruster.
Tushy: The cult-fave bidet brand’s rarely discounted, top-of-the-line electric bidet seat, the Tushy Ace, will be $200 off from July 1 to July 4.
Walmart is having a rollback sale on appliances, electronics, furniture, and that new air conditioning unit you’ve been meaning to buy.
Wayfair‘s sale is offering up to 60% off the site’s stupendous array of home goods and furnishings in honor of July 4. There are deals on living room furniture, bedroom sets, e232862.html” target=”_blank”>outdoor furniture, top kitchen brands, and more.
West Elm makes some of the best mid-century modern furniture and decor your hard-earned clams can buy, and it’s offering up to 70% off some of its best-selling pieces at its Warehouse Sale.
Williams Sonoma is also holding a 70% off Warehouse Sale event, and it’s an excellent reason to finally shell out for this KitchenAid mixer while it’s $100 off.
Happy shopping, ‘Mericans. Now it’s time to grill out and chill out.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
The post The Best 4th of July Sales, ‘Cause You’re a National Treasure appeared first on VICE.
