There was a time when I didn’t even think I liked “toys.” You know the kind I’m talking about: nightstand toys. Vibrators. Sex stuff. Sure, I picked up a few bullet vibes and rabbit toys over the years, and they were fine. But it was always kind of like, buzz, buzz, yawn.
Lo and behold, about five years ago, I was in a fancy lingerie store in Brooklyn and stumbled fortuitously upon the Satisfyer Pro 2. I had never seen, or even heard of, a clitoral suction toy before, but it sounded way more interesting than a glorified electric toothbrush handle. And buddies, I never looked back. If a clit is a cobra, the Satisfyer is a powerful charmer with a magic flute. I’m pretty convinced at this point that suction toys are not only the future, but also the only toys that reallyyyy nail that feeling of receiving bomb oral from someone who actually knows what they’re doing (and really wants you to have an entering-a-wormhole-level climax). The market is now flooded with a wide variety of these toys, from the Womanizer (another great product, which I shall review another time) to Dame’s popular Aer.
But when LELO came out with the Enigma, it felt like the toy drop of the year. Not only is LELO basically the Tesla of sexual wellness brands—with their gorgeous designs, luxe materials, and highly finessed tech—but the company also seems to come up with ergonomically impressive, high-quality devices that you will want to keep forever, and this particular toy, which looks sort of like a sea snail, a quail, a character from Spirited Away, or, as my colleague put it, “a Gonzo nose,” doesn’t really resemble anything else on the market.
So, I tried the LELO Enigma, and here’s my honest review, my sweet amoebas.
At $189, the Enigma is not cheap—but the good news is that you do feel like you’re getting a lot of bang for your buck (no pun intended). The silicone is soooo soft and silky, like the skin of a seductive alien (consensually) probing you with pleasure-makers in a murdered-out spaceship. It’s also, frankly, very beautiful, with its jewel-toned iridescent belly, which also makes the toy feel expensive right out the gate. The suction head goes over your clitoris, and the firm but bendy appendage is meant to be inserted for G-spot stimulation, although you can also leave it out and just sort of tuck it between your legs if you’re not in the mood for penetration.
What was rad
It’s whisper-quiet—something that we absolutely love in a toy, both for privacy and because a rattly-ass vibrator can be distracting—and it’s fully waterproof, although I wouldn’t want to take anything this fancy into the shower or bath because it feels worth taking excellent care of (and I don’t want to risk degrading the silicone with any harsh soaps or bath salts, although maybe I’m paranoid).
But best of all, in terms of features, it has eight different vibration/suction patterns ranging from (to paraphrase based on my experience) “gentle enough for a suction toy n00b” to “edging you until you feel like you’re gonna die” to “going hard until you come, because you are gonna come NOW, dammit.” The edging pattern is next-level; this thing can slingshot you to the Pleasure-sphere in literal seconds, in my experience, but drawing out the sesh can result in mega quakegasms.
What was tricky
The snail head/Gonzo nose is a great size—uncumbersome, but satisfying—but depending on your anatomy, it may take some finagling to get it internally positioned correctly with the suction bit simultaneously grooving on “the spot.” Everyone’s spaced out a tiny bit differently down there, so I had to take a moment to make sure everything was in its right place for optimal comfort and effect. Water-based lube is always a great thing to have on hand when trying out new toys, to make the whole experience smoother (literally) and less clinical-feeling.
What was WOWOWOW
As one might expect, the combo of internal vibration and clitoral sonic massage is pretty damn mind-blowing. You know when you’re receiving oral and your partner slides in a couple of fingers at the optimal time? This is the best toy for replicating that crazy-hot combo.
The Enigma is a special toy that is both an investment and a treat, one that makes masturbation feel spa-like, extraterrestrial, and, at the same, like oral sex with a familiar, skilled partner. It’s definitely worth the dough, although who wouldn’t love to get it as a gift?
Also, LELO’s having a sale right now with up to 25% off its line of “sonic massagers,” including the Enigma. Meaning: If you’re curious about this fanciful cunnilingual Gonzo nose, now’s a great time to try it with a big discount.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.
The post LELO’s Enigma Is Like If Technologically Advanced Aliens Designed a Sex Toy appeared first on VICE.