Warning: This article contains minor Night Teeth spoilers. You may want to wait to sink your fangs into this piece until after you’ve seen the film.
Night Teeth, the new Netflix vampire horror movie that began streaming today, had such potential. First of all, vampires? Absolutely yes. But, more importantly, the Night Teeth trailer and promo materials promised that this wasn’t just any vampire movieâthis was a vampire movie featuring none other than Megan Fox, Sydney Sweeney, and Debby Ryan. With a cast like that bearing their fangs, there’s no way Night Teeth could miss… right?
Unfortunately, wrong. Because while Debby Ryan undoubtedly slays, you should know before you watch Night Teeth that this is not the “Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney vampire movie” you’re looking for. Because at the end of the film’s 108-minute runtime, Fox and Sweeney have been featured in a grand total of one (1) scene. And honestly? I feel cheated.
The premise of Night Teeth is this: Benny (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) is a college student who one night decides to make some extra cash by filling for his brother as a professional chauffeur. Unfortunately for him, the women he’s assigned to drive around for the nightâBlaire (played by Debby Ryan) and Zoe (Lucy Fry)â turn out to be vampires. And they aren’t just any vampires: They are vampires who work for an evil vampire named Victor (Game of Thrones actor Alfie Allen), who is purposefully breaking the truce that keeps the peace between vampires and humans in a Los Angeles suburb.
Here’s where Fox and Sweeney come in, in their too-short scene about 35 minutes into the film. Their vampire names are Grace (Fox) and Eva (Sweeney), and they are apparently Victor’s vampire bosses. When Victor barges into their fancy home, they let him know that because he’s broken the truce by killing a human, they have to either kill him or banish him from the area.
“Do you think that I don’t get frustrated?” Fox asks him. “Do you think that when my pool boy leaves a leaf in the pool, that I don’t want to string him upside down and suck him dry? But if I pitch a fit every time somebody pisses me off, what does that make me?”
“A man,” Sweeney suggests with a smirk.
“Stupid as shit,” Fox corrects her.
“Like I said,” Sweeney replies.
It’s a good scene, made even better by the fact that Fox is wearing a sheer, sparkly cape and sipping on a blood martini. I repeat: Megan Fox wears a cape. Though the rest of the movie is fairly disappointing, the entire thing might be worth it just for Fox’s vampire aesthetic.
But then, just when you’re starting to fall in love with these new characters, they are, spoiler alert, unceremoniously killed in an off-screen death. That’s rightâyou don’t even get to see Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney kick butt as vampires! We’re just supposed to believe that Theon Greyjoy somehow overpowered these two queens? C’mon.
No matter how you feel about her relationship with Machine Gun Kelly, I think we can all agree: If Megan Fox plays a vampire in your movie, the entire movie should feature Megan Fox as a vampire. Or fifty percent, at the very least. No shade to Debby Ryan and the rest of the talented Night Teeth cast, of course, but for me, this one was a disappointment. Oh, well. At least we’ll always have Megan Fox in a cape.
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