Your husband’s lack of sexual interest is not necessarily anything to do with you. There are many reasons why a man may have low libido, so the last thing you should do is allow it to lower your self-esteem. Try to help him trust you as a loving, kind and encouraging partner in seeking a solution. Encourage him to seek medical and psychosexual answers, as he could have low testosterone, vascular problems, depression, anxiety or diabetes; there is a wide range of possibilities and they need to be explored. But consider your own part in this, too: you married him while intuitively knowing he would not readily provide the erotic connection you now feel is essential. Take some time to explore your relationship and find out if an erotic connection is possible or not. Ultimately, you may have to decide what is most important to you now.
•Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
•If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.
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