Ever since Man first learned to walk erect he has been plagued by unanswerable questions. Why are we here? Are we alone in the Universe? And why the hell didn’t Rose just scooch over a bit on the door at the end of Titanic?
We’re just weeks shy of the James Cameron classic’s twenty-second birthday, and it still drives many of us mad to see Leonardo DiCaprio freeze while Kate Winslet floats along with all that space beside her.
The voice that has long consoled us as we’ve sobbed our way through the credits has belonged to Quebec’s most celebrated chanteuse, Céline Dion. Last night Jimmy Fallon finally had the guts to ask her what we’ve all been wondering. Her response was actually quite sharp.
At first, she tried to evade the question, not wanting to get “in trouble.” I guess James Cameron (who has recently called this continuing debate “stupid”) can really strike fear into people. Then she tried to wave Fallon off with some yuks.
“What eef,” she asked with her French Canadian accent, “they want to do a Titanic number two!”
Fallon stood his ground, holding an image from the film and pointing to all the room beside Rose. That’s where Dion flipped the script.
“He doesn’t need an invitation!” she quipped, side-eyeing the camera. And mon Dieu she’s right. All this time we’ve been blaming Rose for being too greedy. Really the fault lies with Jack for being too much of a dunce to just climb aboard.
You can witness this victory of logic below, starting at the 2:20 mark.
The pair then starting singing The Pointer Sisters, because Jimmy Fallon brings that side out of people.
While Kate Winslet has gone on record saying that Jack definitely could have fit on the door, DiCaprio refuses to comment. A 2012 Mythbusters episode was annoyingly inconclusive. Jack could have fit on the door, they determined, but he and Rose would have needed the wherewithal to tie Rose’s lifejacket to the bottom to reinforce its flotation. And, you know, it was dark and cold when they got in the water.
Hopefully Céline will appear on Jimmy Kimmel soon and he can ask her if Han shot first.
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